"The reason to have a wedding is to get your spice rack."
So, I got her a spice rack.
~~~
The story's more complicated than I remembered, so a reference for myself.
~~~
Some years ago, a young woman entered grad school. Far away, her friends were getting married by the dozens (or maybe half-dozens or quarter-dozens, but even that feels like a lot of weddings). The moved into houses with cute lawns, a couple of bedrooms, and full kitchen complete with a spice rack. In short, they were settling into a grown-up life.
Meanwhile, our heroine was making do in the squalor of a graduate program. Crappy apartments. Rushed hours. No time for homemaking a place that couldn't feel like home. It was a fine life, a life that would lead to what she wanted to do. But it's not one that felt grown-up. Something was unfulfilled.
Enter the older man. A man that has the adult details worked out for himself. He invites her to join him and she does. A grown-up life.
Only it's not. We won't go into details, but it was a bad relationship. Finally she divorces him. Rebuilds life for herself from the ground up. She wonders what got her into the relationship in the first place. What was so attractive about him?
And she realizes. She wanted the life with the spice rack. She wanted the grown-up life. It wasn't the man that attracted her. It was the idea of marriage and a life fulfilled.
Since then she presents her gifts shortly upon the news of engagement. A spice rack. And a question, "Is this what you're wanting? Does this fulfill you? Cause if it does, let's reconsider this life you're looking at."
A reminder to think about what's motivating the marriage. And hey, a pretty good present besides.
~~~
She told me she was engaged. I responded I'd get her a spice rack. Great! Are there spices that I should gather for you in the city? Check out the Korean store. The fiancé served in Korea and misses the food. What spices does he need? Nobody seems to know. They requested an adventurous mix. I took advantage of an excuse to visit multiple ethnic groceries.
~~~
Before I left, though after the wedding certificate was signed, I had her open the spice rack. She read the names. Sometimes I was able to tell her what it was for. You use these to flavor sushi rice. Hing powder in Indian dishes. Fenugreek? That's good for breastmilk, her new aunt pipes up. She looks at me. Breastmilk? What are you getting me, woman?
I have no idea my friend. I have no idea.
Showing posts with label friends. Show all posts
Showing posts with label friends. Show all posts
Thursday, October 4, 2012
Wednesday, August 29, 2012
Text conversation to make me smile
me: hey, think tomorrow can end up working. pick me up at the train station at 2h15?
friend: sounds good! see you then!
me: yay! will want to do work for part of time, but can catch up too
friend: No worries, it will be good just to see you before I go!
me: exactly. one final in person taking advantage of the summer. cause who knows when we'll live even this close again. (is that sad to say? it doesn't feel it.)
friend: Hey. I'm expecting some good times together in the nursing home, ok?
me: that will make it easier for your 128-year-old self to attend my funeral :)
friend: that's right, it's all about efficiency!
friend: sounds good! see you then!
me: yay! will want to do work for part of time, but can catch up too
friend: No worries, it will be good just to see you before I go!
me: exactly. one final in person taking advantage of the summer. cause who knows when we'll live even this close again. (is that sad to say? it doesn't feel it.)
friend: Hey. I'm expecting some good times together in the nursing home, ok?
me: that will make it easier for your 128-year-old self to attend my funeral :)
friend: that's right, it's all about efficiency!
My phone's old fashioned.
If I want to archive conversations,
typing them up for here is the best choice.
Thursday, December 1, 2011
You Know I Love the Random Reconnections
Lunch today involved me being told that someone else was joining my friend and me. With this friend, that's the norm, so I didn't think twice. Just tried to remember the new person's name.
Then I found my friend in the cafeteria and all but shouted at the person sitting across from him. We were in the middle of a it's-been-a-long-time-hug when my original lunch date got out, "Wait, you know each other?"
"We went to college together," said the long-lost friend giving our graduation years. I talked over him that his brother was my next door neighbor freshmen year and dated my roommate for a while. "It was awkward."
The conversation took a while to find its rhythm. When you know you're going to run into someone you follow one script. When you randomly bump into someone you follow another. When my lunch date introduces me to someone there's a whole different protocol than when everyone already knows each other. None of them quite fit our situation, and I think we tried them all.
Next time will be more natural. It might not happen until January--finals and then holiday travel make it hard to make plans with me right now--but I'm excited for when it does.
Then I found my friend in the cafeteria and all but shouted at the person sitting across from him. We were in the middle of a it's-been-a-long-time-hug when my original lunch date got out, "Wait, you know each other?"
"We went to college together," said the long-lost friend giving our graduation years. I talked over him that his brother was my next door neighbor freshmen year and dated my roommate for a while. "It was awkward."
The conversation took a while to find its rhythm. When you know you're going to run into someone you follow one script. When you randomly bump into someone you follow another. When my lunch date introduces me to someone there's a whole different protocol than when everyone already knows each other. None of them quite fit our situation, and I think we tried them all.
Next time will be more natural. It might not happen until January--finals and then holiday travel make it hard to make plans with me right now--but I'm excited for when it does.
Monday, October 24, 2011
Weekend Snapshots:Bday Reunion
One of the things I miss about my time in TFA is the way weekends were times for roadtrips and social breaks. So when my roommate invited me to her party, I superwanted to go.
~~~
Actually managed to make progress on my essay midterm on my trip out there. Successful work!
~~~
At the liquor store. Oh, there's a free wine tasting? Nice timing.
~~~
Long wait for dinner. Go to boutique next door to wait. In the ~25 minutes I managed to buy 2 dresses and 1 shirt. Color Me Red has a superfun line of knit dresses, but I can't find much info about 'em online.
~~~
Pumpkin curry served in a pumpkin. I think all pumpkin should be prepared this way.
Dessert that included sweet sticky rice and a hot custard. No idea how to make it, but loved it!
~~~
Hot pumpkin cocktail. I guess I'll allow some pumpkin to be prepared this way.
~~~
One beauty of our particular TFA experience is that it doesn't take many people coming to have a decent reunion. Two other people roadtripping out. Some local friends joining up. Ended up having about a third of a corps year together. Including people I hadn't seen since I left. Reunions are happy.
~~~
Working at fun coffeeshop while sipping an amazing Chai Tea. And catching up with my classmate who moved away.
~~~
Pedal pub party!
I loved seeing other people's reactions.
Please note the driver is taking our photo.
We rode past a wedding party 3 times while they were taking photos. The last time, their photographer started photographing us. I hope we wind up in their wedding album.
~~~
Bars and music and late night breakfast at the 24-hour diner. I got in trouble for trying to close the refrigerator door. Just want to help them lower their electric bill.
~~~
Breakfast with college friend. Complete with another college person walking into our cafe. He'd never been in there before. I'm never in town. And yet, there you have it.
~~~
Adorable kids in the row in front of me on my way back home. Singing my song from Thursday. Practicing math problems. Taking naps. Clapping when the baby across the aisle stopped crying. Pointing out every farm they noticed.
~~~
Getting my midterm complete (if blah) and turned in!
~~~
Chatting with my seatmate. Getting her on Ravelry. Showing off ALL my pictures from the weekend. And getting a ride home from her parents at the end of the ride.
~~~
Actually managed to make progress on my essay midterm on my trip out there. Successful work!
~~~
At the liquor store. Oh, there's a free wine tasting? Nice timing.
~~~
Long wait for dinner. Go to boutique next door to wait. In the ~25 minutes I managed to buy 2 dresses and 1 shirt. Color Me Red has a superfun line of knit dresses, but I can't find much info about 'em online.
~~~
Pumpkin curry served in a pumpkin. I think all pumpkin should be prepared this way.
Dessert that included sweet sticky rice and a hot custard. No idea how to make it, but loved it!
~~~
Hot pumpkin cocktail. I guess I'll allow some pumpkin to be prepared this way.
~~~
One beauty of our particular TFA experience is that it doesn't take many people coming to have a decent reunion. Two other people roadtripping out. Some local friends joining up. Ended up having about a third of a corps year together. Including people I hadn't seen since I left. Reunions are happy.
~~~
Working at fun coffeeshop while sipping an amazing Chai Tea. And catching up with my classmate who moved away.
~~~
Pedal pub party!
I loved seeing other people's reactions.
Please note the driver is taking our photo.We rode past a wedding party 3 times while they were taking photos. The last time, their photographer started photographing us. I hope we wind up in their wedding album.
~~~
Bars and music and late night breakfast at the 24-hour diner. I got in trouble for trying to close the refrigerator door. Just want to help them lower their electric bill.
~~~
Breakfast with college friend. Complete with another college person walking into our cafe. He'd never been in there before. I'm never in town. And yet, there you have it.
~~~
Adorable kids in the row in front of me on my way back home. Singing my song from Thursday. Practicing math problems. Taking naps. Clapping when the baby across the aisle stopped crying. Pointing out every farm they noticed.
~~~
Getting my midterm complete (if blah) and turned in!
~~~
Chatting with my seatmate. Getting her on Ravelry. Showing off ALL my pictures from the weekend. And getting a ride home from her parents at the end of the ride.
Monday, July 11, 2011
Classifications
Zac wrote about Google+ and Facebook and putting friends into boxes.
So far my G+ circles (and FB lists for that matter) are based on where I know people from. But the closeness of the friendship, besties vs barelys and everything in between hasn't been monitored. Perhaps because I haven't shared widely enough there. Perhaps because it feels artificial. Perhaps because I know my own Venn Diagrams intersect and loop and morph and move.
At my birthday party this week there will be a dozen (or few dozen) friends. No one will know all of them. (Including myself because it's a joint birthday party and my Venn Diagram overlaps with the birthday boy for "Dancing" and other random people. But we don't even share all of the same dancing people.) Most of the people there are in the "Circle" of my current city. Or my current school. But others are from my past with only the slightest connection to my current life. Enough to know they're in town for the date.
It's funny though. This is one of the few times of the year when I make an effort to introduce my circles. Classmates. School friends. Cohort. (Yes, they're all slightly different.) Dance at school. Monday night dancers. (Again, surprisingly different groups.) Church. College. When I taught. Friends of friends. I classify people in my head right and left. I just don't explicitly tell the Internet Companies what those people mean to me.
I see the meaning of grouping those to whom I am connected online. Putting all the names in one place at one time makes the collective that much more daunting. It has value on the site, but that value isn’t something I carry around with me in life. When I get the chance to share a meal with Bud, I don’t think to myself, “Bud lives in my friend circle as well as my PLN circle, I will restrict conversation accordingly.”
The best moments are when those circles break, when the people with whom I’ve forged relationships exist in the ever-shifting cloud of relativity, when how I know you isn’t a categorical imperative.
So far my G+ circles (and FB lists for that matter) are based on where I know people from. But the closeness of the friendship, besties vs barelys and everything in between hasn't been monitored. Perhaps because I haven't shared widely enough there. Perhaps because it feels artificial. Perhaps because I know my own Venn Diagrams intersect and loop and morph and move.
At my birthday party this week there will be a dozen (or few dozen) friends. No one will know all of them. (Including myself because it's a joint birthday party and my Venn Diagram overlaps with the birthday boy for "Dancing" and other random people. But we don't even share all of the same dancing people.) Most of the people there are in the "Circle" of my current city. Or my current school. But others are from my past with only the slightest connection to my current life. Enough to know they're in town for the date.
It's funny though. This is one of the few times of the year when I make an effort to introduce my circles. Classmates. School friends. Cohort. (Yes, they're all slightly different.) Dance at school. Monday night dancers. (Again, surprisingly different groups.) Church. College. When I taught. Friends of friends. I classify people in my head right and left. I just don't explicitly tell the Internet Companies what those people mean to me.
Wednesday, July 6, 2011
Weekend Snapshots
The boyfriend I just met asked how I know his girlfriend. "We met on Twitter." Nope, didn't really know each other before that. Just it's a small group we interact with, so we eventually found each other.
~~~
Sitting in the bar listening to bands play. Chatting with friends and people watching in aticipation. Knowing that once the music changed ever so slightly my crew would descend upon the dance floor. The other people wouldn't know what happened.
~~~
Blueberry picking. And nibbling. And BLUEBERRIES.
~~~
Driving home and playing which is sketchier: the strip club billboards or the fireworks billboards. Strip clubs almost always have exit numbers. The fireworks didn't. And they had fine print that I couldn't see while driving.
~~~
Trying on heels that make me tall.
Not buying them.
~~~
Watching more Being Erica than is probably good for me.
~~~
Random assortment of friends for the Fourth. Spending the most one-on-one time with the one person I hadn't met before.
~~~
New grill working! Deliciousness. Hamburgers. And tofu. And so many sausages. And veggieburgers. And portabellos. And red peppers.
And this salad.
And mint lemonade. And sweet tea. And Arnold Palmer.
~~~
Never actually grilling the ribs.
~~~
Sunset walk by the beach with two of my girlfriends while others tossed the Frisbee.
~~~
Heading to the beach to see fireworks. South. North. And the illegal immediately local.
~~~
Checking out a new dance venue. Staying from the first song through the last.
~~~
Sitting in the bar listening to bands play. Chatting with friends and people watching in aticipation. Knowing that once the music changed ever so slightly my crew would descend upon the dance floor. The other people wouldn't know what happened.
~~~
Blueberry picking. And nibbling. And BLUEBERRIES.
~~~
Driving home and playing which is sketchier: the strip club billboards or the fireworks billboards. Strip clubs almost always have exit numbers. The fireworks didn't. And they had fine print that I couldn't see while driving.
~~~
Trying on heels that make me tall.
Not buying them.
~~~
Watching more Being Erica than is probably good for me.
~~~
Random assortment of friends for the Fourth. Spending the most one-on-one time with the one person I hadn't met before.
~~~
New grill working! Deliciousness. Hamburgers. And tofu. And so many sausages. And veggieburgers. And portabellos. And red peppers.
And this salad.
And mint lemonade. And sweet tea. And Arnold Palmer.
~~~
Never actually grilling the ribs.
~~~
Sunset walk by the beach with two of my girlfriends while others tossed the Frisbee.
~~~
Heading to the beach to see fireworks. South. North. And the illegal immediately local.
~~~
Checking out a new dance venue. Staying from the first song through the last.
Tuesday, May 10, 2011
Best Friend
Chatting with my professor after a meeting today, I touched on the topic of my moving growing up. After a discussion of how that's shaped me, she asked "Do you have a best friend?"
~~~
Ummmm. wow. I was silent for a few seconds before replying, "I have different best friends from different areas of my life."
That is how I describe people: My best friend from grad school who's not in my department. My best friend from my first year teaching. My best friends from my hall freshman year. One of my best friends from camp. My friend that I still keep in touch with from high school. I mean, my last post referenced my best guy friend, but really his title is "my current best guy friend who really we weren't that close in college and then we supported each other through those outcast jobs and then he moved here two weeks after I did...."
~~~
I've thought before that my formula for determining my best friend is some function of:
Robert Putnam (whose book I really need to read) and others who study the General Social Survey talk about how Americans have fewer and fewer close friends. Shrinking social networks no matter what Facebook tells us.*
I don't think my delay in answering the question was due to not having close friends. I think it was the way I categorize friends.
But I think I'm also going through friendships in transition. The process of losing touch with people I was once close to. Realizing that some of the connections I've made here won't follow the friendship trajectory I originally placed them on--some because I didn't expect to be friends at all, others because I expected to be much closer. Bracing myself for further separation as people move. If I knew who my best friends were, say 10 months ago, I'm not sure the same holds true anymore. Maybe.
Are they your best friends if they change?
~~~
Tomorrow morning I get to have breakfast with one of my best friends from college. We haven't seen each other in almost 3 years. Rarely figure out the time zones enough to schedule a Skype call. And who knows when we'll manage to see each other again. I'm super excited to catch up. And need to straighten my apartment so I can show her around.
My life may never fit the sitcom style. The core group of three to five bestest buds who hang out together at the same bar/coffee shop/apartment. But the best friend model has never been my style. And I think that's okay.
*Speaking of which, one of my best camp friends and I became Facebook friends this weekend. Love how one of the few people who I've kept in touch with since before I went to college, someone who I've traveled the better part of a day to visit, someone who can ask about my other friends who she's never met hasn't been labeled a friend in the new normal way. (And that several of my other best friends still aren't.)
~~~
Ummmm. wow. I was silent for a few seconds before replying, "I have different best friends from different areas of my life."
That is how I describe people: My best friend from grad school who's not in my department. My best friend from my first year teaching. My best friends from my hall freshman year. One of my best friends from camp. My friend that I still keep in touch with from high school. I mean, my last post referenced my best guy friend, but really his title is "my current best guy friend who really we weren't that close in college and then we supported each other through those outcast jobs and then he moved here two weeks after I did...."
~~~
I've thought before that my formula for determining my best friend is some function of:
- length of friendship
- current rank of closeness
- peak rank of closeness
- how quickly we reconnect after time apart
- how much I don't actually think about this formula because obviously they're in my top friends list
Robert Putnam (whose book I really need to read) and others who study the General Social Survey talk about how Americans have fewer and fewer close friends. Shrinking social networks no matter what Facebook tells us.*
I don't think my delay in answering the question was due to not having close friends. I think it was the way I categorize friends.
But I think I'm also going through friendships in transition. The process of losing touch with people I was once close to. Realizing that some of the connections I've made here won't follow the friendship trajectory I originally placed them on--some because I didn't expect to be friends at all, others because I expected to be much closer. Bracing myself for further separation as people move. If I knew who my best friends were, say 10 months ago, I'm not sure the same holds true anymore. Maybe.
Are they your best friends if they change?
~~~
Tomorrow morning I get to have breakfast with one of my best friends from college. We haven't seen each other in almost 3 years. Rarely figure out the time zones enough to schedule a Skype call. And who knows when we'll manage to see each other again. I'm super excited to catch up. And need to straighten my apartment so I can show her around.
My life may never fit the sitcom style. The core group of three to five bestest buds who hang out together at the same bar/coffee shop/apartment. But the best friend model has never been my style. And I think that's okay.
*Speaking of which, one of my best camp friends and I became Facebook friends this weekend. Love how one of the few people who I've kept in touch with since before I went to college, someone who I've traveled the better part of a day to visit, someone who can ask about my other friends who she's never met hasn't been labeled a friend in the new normal way. (And that several of my other best friends still aren't.)
Saturday, April 9, 2011
Letter to The Woman My Best Guy Friend is Monogamous With
Dear G,
I’m not allowed to not like you. It hasn’t been said, but it’s been made clear nevertheless.
It’s funny because he’s never been nervous about me meeting a girlfriend before. (Though when confronted he denied the nerves.) Granted the major ones I already knew. It’s just the non-major ones that I’m somehow never introduced to. I miss the concert or party or whatever group event that is the relationship debut. (Because it’s my finals or I already had plans with other friends or, once, I got the date wrong and showed up for the party the next night and had an only somewhat awkward exchange with a roommate who I’d never met.) I’ll hear how everyone else liked her and say, “Well find a time for us to meet each other.” But it always seems to end before that happens.
But you. Girl, the expectations are high. People don’t like you, everybody loves you. The little old ladies are telling you to marry him when they first meet you. Parental eyes are smiling knowingly. At this point I’m expecting rainbows and unicorns handed out when you appear.
And I’m not allowed to not like you.
To be clear, I’m not worried about it. There were about ten minutes when you entered the story where I was frustrated by the way you messed up the narrative. I didn’t like you then. But as your backstory was explained and your character developed I couldn’t stay mad with you. At least by now, I like the stories about you.
I’m not allowed to not like you. Neither am I allowed to contact you prior to an arranged meeting. When I went to IM you back in a window on his computer flashing “Tell her hi,” he freaked. It would be too weird. It’s not my place. I shouldn’t send you a message on Facebook now. Instead I should wait until he messes things up (because, let’s face it, he will). Only then am I allowed, even required, to reach out with some sort of apology-explanation on his behalf. Saying something to the effect of how special you are. That I hope you can work things out.
And even before I meet you, I know that’s true. I hope you can work things out. And that, more than anything, is why I’m not allowed to not like you.
I’m not allowed to not like you. It hasn’t been said, but it’s been made clear nevertheless.
It’s funny because he’s never been nervous about me meeting a girlfriend before. (Though when confronted he denied the nerves.) Granted the major ones I already knew. It’s just the non-major ones that I’m somehow never introduced to. I miss the concert or party or whatever group event that is the relationship debut. (Because it’s my finals or I already had plans with other friends or, once, I got the date wrong and showed up for the party the next night and had an only somewhat awkward exchange with a roommate who I’d never met.) I’ll hear how everyone else liked her and say, “Well find a time for us to meet each other.” But it always seems to end before that happens.
But you. Girl, the expectations are high. People don’t like you, everybody loves you. The little old ladies are telling you to marry him when they first meet you. Parental eyes are smiling knowingly. At this point I’m expecting rainbows and unicorns handed out when you appear.
And I’m not allowed to not like you.
To be clear, I’m not worried about it. There were about ten minutes when you entered the story where I was frustrated by the way you messed up the narrative. I didn’t like you then. But as your backstory was explained and your character developed I couldn’t stay mad with you. At least by now, I like the stories about you.
I’m not allowed to not like you. Neither am I allowed to contact you prior to an arranged meeting. When I went to IM you back in a window on his computer flashing “Tell her hi,” he freaked. It would be too weird. It’s not my place. I shouldn’t send you a message on Facebook now. Instead I should wait until he messes things up (because, let’s face it, he will). Only then am I allowed, even required, to reach out with some sort of apology-explanation on his behalf. Saying something to the effect of how special you are. That I hope you can work things out.
And even before I meet you, I know that’s true. I hope you can work things out. And that, more than anything, is why I’m not allowed to not like you.
Wednesday, March 16, 2011
Claiming the good
Some of the happy things from today. (To keep my most recent post from being depressing and to cheer me up before bed.)
- Wearing short sleeves, summer skirt, hot pink tights, and my boots with magnets in them.
- Tasting some of B's Mustard Girl mustard at lunch.
- Walking by the lake with A.
- Phone calls with both of my grandmothers (and no political discussions).
- Homemade frozen pizza with rosemary from my plant.
- Receiving my new favorite tote bag. (Yes, it's NPR. Judge or be jealous. Whichever fits you.) And water bottle too.
- Warm enough to be outside without a coat.
- Sunshine and blue sky.
- Plans to be done writing papers for finals tomorrow (though editing through Friday), go out to a play tomorrow night, and H's visit this weekend.
- Being able to use my university connections to download an article and e-mail it to a teacher friend who wanted read it.
- Oh, and this video.
Disappointed
As much as the little visits can build connections, the missed opportunities can shake the faultline underlying a friendship. Because each time it doesn't work out, it tells me that I'm not that important to you.
~~~
It's sad that I don't feel surprised when plans fall through.
~~~
There are lots of opportunities that I miss. More people than I have time to see. And we all have to find some personal time when we can.
I get that.
I just thought you could squeeze me in. Instead I'm feeling shoved out.
~~~
It's sad that I don't feel surprised when plans fall through.
~~~
There are lots of opportunities that I miss. More people than I have time to see. And we all have to find some personal time when we can.
I get that.
I just thought you could squeeze me in. Instead I'm feeling shoved out.
Friday, February 11, 2011
How did we become friends
I still love the "How did we become friends?" conversation starter. (Not as a pick-up line. But as a legitimate, "We're friends now. We weren't a year ago. How did that happen?")
J and I were talking today. We're not quite sure how it actually happened. But my favorite line "I knew on the first day of class that I wanted to be friends with you."
"ME TOO!" I squealed.
~~~
Not all of my friends are like that. One of my best friends now is someone who I knew for years before we were more than acquaintances. Sometimes it takes a while.
~~~
And sometimes friendship just happens. Today, I celebrate the easy friends. The ones that are reminiscent of preschool best friends.
"Hey, didn't we click right away? Weren't we meant to know each other? How are we friends? For real? How could we not be friends?"
J and I were talking today. We're not quite sure how it actually happened. But my favorite line "I knew on the first day of class that I wanted to be friends with you."
"ME TOO!" I squealed.
~~~
Not all of my friends are like that. One of my best friends now is someone who I knew for years before we were more than acquaintances. Sometimes it takes a while.
~~~
And sometimes friendship just happens. Today, I celebrate the easy friends. The ones that are reminiscent of preschool best friends.
"Hey, didn't we click right away? Weren't we meant to know each other? How are we friends? For real? How could we not be friends?"
Sunday, February 6, 2011
Snow, Show, and Vertigo
This week's blizzard was awesome for at least two reasons.
1. I got to play in snow!
2. Snowstorm sleepovers!
My roommate from teaching and I were talking this evening about how we miss the social life we had in the middle of nowhere. I'm more social in the city and am happy about that. But I miss the weekend getaways. And we both miss the low-key, hang-out at someone's place sleep-overs that were a normal part of the culture out there. Here I feel like I need an explanation or excuse to have a slumber party. It's not the, "so, can I come over for the weekend?" call.
But with the blizzard I could totally say, "Do you want to cancel on dinner tonight or plan on spending the night?" And the next day, I could call my friend from the coffeeshop, saying I'd walked the two miles to get first friend back home. Could I come over to her place? Spend the night? Excellent!
I should make this a more regular occurrence.
Anyway, I've finally uploaded pictures.
Poor cars stuck on every sidestreet.
I still haven't shoveled my car out. (No, we don't have to switch sides of the street.)
The horizon disappeared. "That's why it's called a white-out," my friend told me. "Yes, but I can see the tree. It's not that white out."
There weren't many people out in the morning. It was still snowing, so I guess that's legit. But the people who were out were friendly. Like this guy, taking a photo of the snow plow. He'd been out looking for skis. Couldn't find them.
I wish I had cross-country skis.
Though I'm doubt they'd help me reach the door. Those are supposed to be steps. I'm still not sure how what I walked on matches the ground underneath.
Loved the playgrounds. In the morning.
And in the afternoon.
The slide seemed so much shorter when there was no drop at the end.
Love the patterns of snow sticking to the wall.
Who am I kidding? I just love a good snow!
~~~~
From the Life Checks list:
5. Pay to go to a show by myself (I already go to free ones, but this needs to be something I really want to see)
Check. Bam. I'm doing well on this list.
I've got a subscription for one to the local Broadway tours. Went to my first show all by myself.
Now my subscription is the cheap one. I have nosebleed seats. You really notice the set from the next to last row in the theater. But I got a tip at intermission that there were empty seats to the side of the second row from the front. Totally moved. Didn't get ushered out. 'Cause I'm cool like that. Y'know.
I did miss the gushing about the show with friends afterward. But this performance didn't leave me gushing anyway, so perhaps it was just as well that I wasn't expected to.
~~~
Last part of the title is vertigo. Had a bout of it this morning, which was a new expierence for me. There are enough possible explanations and it subsided quickly and, yes, I'll go to the doctor if it continues, but honestly not too worried about it.
The expirence alerted me to how much I take the sense of balance for granted. When every eye movement, never mind head turning, never mind actually walking, set the room spinning I just wanted to sit absolutely still. Except I'm bad at sitting still. So for now I'm grateful that my sense of balance has returned. And I beg it not to leave me again.
1. I got to play in snow!
2. Snowstorm sleepovers!
My roommate from teaching and I were talking this evening about how we miss the social life we had in the middle of nowhere. I'm more social in the city and am happy about that. But I miss the weekend getaways. And we both miss the low-key, hang-out at someone's place sleep-overs that were a normal part of the culture out there. Here I feel like I need an explanation or excuse to have a slumber party. It's not the, "so, can I come over for the weekend?" call.
But with the blizzard I could totally say, "Do you want to cancel on dinner tonight or plan on spending the night?" And the next day, I could call my friend from the coffeeshop, saying I'd walked the two miles to get first friend back home. Could I come over to her place? Spend the night? Excellent!
I should make this a more regular occurrence.
Anyway, I've finally uploaded pictures.
Poor cars stuck on every sidestreet.
I still haven't shoveled my car out. (No, we don't have to switch sides of the street.)
The horizon disappeared. "That's why it's called a white-out," my friend told me. "Yes, but I can see the tree. It's not that white out."
There weren't many people out in the morning. It was still snowing, so I guess that's legit. But the people who were out were friendly. Like this guy, taking a photo of the snow plow. He'd been out looking for skis. Couldn't find them.
I wish I had cross-country skis.
Though I'm doubt they'd help me reach the door. Those are supposed to be steps. I'm still not sure how what I walked on matches the ground underneath.
Loved the playgrounds. In the morning.
And in the afternoon.
The slide seemed so much shorter when there was no drop at the end.
Love the patterns of snow sticking to the wall.
Who am I kidding? I just love a good snow!
~~~~
From the Life Checks list:
5. Pay to go to a show by myself (I already go to free ones, but this needs to be something I really want to see)
Check. Bam. I'm doing well on this list.
I've got a subscription for one to the local Broadway tours. Went to my first show all by myself.
Now my subscription is the cheap one. I have nosebleed seats. You really notice the set from the next to last row in the theater. But I got a tip at intermission that there were empty seats to the side of the second row from the front. Totally moved. Didn't get ushered out. 'Cause I'm cool like that. Y'know.
I did miss the gushing about the show with friends afterward. But this performance didn't leave me gushing anyway, so perhaps it was just as well that I wasn't expected to.
~~~
Last part of the title is vertigo. Had a bout of it this morning, which was a new expierence for me. There are enough possible explanations and it subsided quickly and, yes, I'll go to the doctor if it continues, but honestly not too worried about it.
The expirence alerted me to how much I take the sense of balance for granted. When every eye movement, never mind head turning, never mind actually walking, set the room spinning I just wanted to sit absolutely still. Except I'm bad at sitting still. So for now I'm grateful that my sense of balance has returned. And I beg it not to leave me again.
Saturday, February 5, 2011
Practice and Pressure
Ming Mei isn't blogging anymore. So instead of e-mailing her this awesome ad and letting her share it on her blog. I'm putting it here. (And then waiting for her to share it. Not giving up hope that you'll start floating again. :)
I love the way they switch between practice and pressure. The reminder when I'm bored with practice that I'm working towards a goal. Or a reminder for when the going gets tough that I've done similar exercises to prepare myself.
I love the way they switch between practice and pressure. The reminder when I'm bored with practice that I'm working towards a goal. Or a reminder for when the going gets tough that I've done similar exercises to prepare myself.
Found through Chase Jarvis' blog
Sunday, January 23, 2011
Do I know you? The game
After church I'm approached by a woman about my age. Not surprising, I just joined and people were told to greet us.
You look familar.
A quick glance. Y'know, maybe.
So do you.
And like that the game is begun.
~~~
Begin by listing affiliations. The last place I worked. My college. Nope. Not that.
She went to grad school at the place where I'm at now. Graduated in 2009 with a degree in chemical engineering.
Were you involved with the graduate women's group?
Yes!
Ah ha! We found it. But no. Wait. You graduated in 2009. I started in 2009. That couldn't be it.
And then I figure it out.
~~~
Megan? You're Sara's friend! You went to that church!*
Fifteen months ago, I visited her church. It was my first time attending there. Possibly her last. Four of us went out for brunch after the service--two old, two new. We friended each other on Facebook, but that was all. She was moving out of the life that I was entering.
~~~
There's a neat parallel to her greeting me after I joined today. A validation that it's okay for me to not be joining the church where she originally greeted me.
~~~
I've invited her to our Sunday School class. Who knows, maybe we'll end up real life friends yet.
*Names changed. As always. Initials just lost too much of the feel here.
You look familar.
A quick glance. Y'know, maybe.
So do you.
And like that the game is begun.
~~~
Begin by listing affiliations. The last place I worked. My college. Nope. Not that.
She went to grad school at the place where I'm at now. Graduated in 2009 with a degree in chemical engineering.
Were you involved with the graduate women's group?
Yes!
Ah ha! We found it. But no. Wait. You graduated in 2009. I started in 2009. That couldn't be it.
And then I figure it out.
~~~
Megan? You're Sara's friend! You went to that church!*
Fifteen months ago, I visited her church. It was my first time attending there. Possibly her last. Four of us went out for brunch after the service--two old, two new. We friended each other on Facebook, but that was all. She was moving out of the life that I was entering.
~~~
There's a neat parallel to her greeting me after I joined today. A validation that it's okay for me to not be joining the church where she originally greeted me.
~~~
I've invited her to our Sunday School class. Who knows, maybe we'll end up real life friends yet.
*Names changed. As always. Initials just lost too much of the feel here.
And thus she joins the unknown guy from college who I ran into in DC
and the illustrator who I met at an arts festival and then saw at church
in the list of people with whom I have successfully won the game
and the illustrator who I met at an arts festival and then saw at church
in the list of people with whom I have successfully won the game
Tuesday, January 18, 2011
Awe of the everyday
Logged into Twitter and had this message.
Made me smile. I started writing back and soon realized my message was too long for Twitter.
Note to self for next year when I'm wondering about the hours of getting the mailing together. This is why.
High point of the day: finding your cd in the mailbox! Thanks a million! Looking forward to listening to it, a lot.
Made me smile. I started writing back and soon realized my message was too long for Twitter.
I'm always amazed at how the postal service works. You're the second international cd that I know made it this year. For the first one, I started humming (and here I quote my e-mail to another friend).Glad it made it over the seas and through the city to Someone's* house it goes. The post knows the way to carry the cd through snow and rain and heat...
Umm... I'll stop singing now.
But really. Within a couple of days of me going to the post office, friends in Minnesota and New York were telling me they'd received them. Another week and we're adding Norway and Hong Kong. I know it's everyday, but in some ways I've gotten so used to the exchange of digital information that the movement of physical objects is crazy cool.
All a super-long-winded way of saying, thanks for letting me know the cd made it.
Note to self for next year when I'm wondering about the hours of getting the mailing together. This is why.
Sunday, January 2, 2011
Post Office Tomorrow!
I declare success on this year's annual mailing.
And last year's too. Some of these envelopes have two year's worth of content.
~~~
2 boxes
5 international
27 stateside
2 to friends who I only know online
So far a half dozen hand delivered, should be some more of those I guess, but that will probably happen unlike the second round of mailings.
~~~
It's a fun exercise, looking back at the year and figuring out what to share. Especially given the range of people these go to. People who were some of my closest friends, but I barely talk to anymore. The former housemate who I still chat with a couple of times a week. The friends who I'm surprised at how much we visit and how connected I feel to them despite the distance.
It is a way to reestablish connections. There are people who I'm Facebook friends with, but have no idea what's going on in their lives. I e-mail to get their current mailing address and, more often than not, we end up setting up a phone date.
Or I think of people who I haven't talked to in years and find them. I might have had a vague idea A. was in Africa, but I certainly didn't know she was married. I'm not even sure I knew she was dating anyone.
It's an investment of time. But one well worth it.
And last year's too. Some of these envelopes have two year's worth of content.
~~~
2 boxes
5 international
27 stateside
2 to friends who I only know online
So far a half dozen hand delivered, should be some more of those I guess, but that will probably happen unlike the second round of mailings.
~~~
It's a fun exercise, looking back at the year and figuring out what to share. Especially given the range of people these go to. People who were some of my closest friends, but I barely talk to anymore. The former housemate who I still chat with a couple of times a week. The friends who I'm surprised at how much we visit and how connected I feel to them despite the distance.
It is a way to reestablish connections. There are people who I'm Facebook friends with, but have no idea what's going on in their lives. I e-mail to get their current mailing address and, more often than not, we end up setting up a phone date.
Or I think of people who I haven't talked to in years and find them. I might have had a vague idea A. was in Africa, but I certainly didn't know she was married. I'm not even sure I knew she was dating anyone.
It's an investment of time. But one well worth it.
International letters in the pile on the left,
states on the right
states on the right
Tuesday, December 14, 2010
Follow-up Visit
Even virtual visits count. Especially when there's a crazy time difference. The kind where oceans and/or continents are involved. Miles and miles and it's been far too long since I've talked to some people.
Which is why I'm grateful for Christmas letters. An annual reason to check out people's mailing addresses. To have them say, nope, that's not going to get to me. And while I get an address so that my mail will find it's way to them, we set up a Skype date or a phone call or something.
And we talk. You may feel like you told me too much about you and didn't hear enough about me, but that wasn't the important part. It is important to know you're still there. To re-establish that you're someone I care about and who cares about me. To spend time together, even if we're doing it on different days.
Which is why I'm grateful for Christmas letters. An annual reason to check out people's mailing addresses. To have them say, nope, that's not going to get to me. And while I get an address so that my mail will find it's way to them, we set up a Skype date or a phone call or something.
And we talk. You may feel like you told me too much about you and didn't hear enough about me, but that wasn't the important part. It is important to know you're still there. To re-establish that you're someone I care about and who cares about me. To spend time together, even if we're doing it on different days.
Sunday, November 28, 2010
Visits
I haven't seen S much this semester. We met at church when I first moved here, but we're both going to different congregations now. I haven't run into her when I study in the library at her seminary. We haven't even seen each other online as often.
When I have talked to her, she's invited me to come to her church. I haven't gone. Still trying to get used to not visiting a new place every other Sunday. Wanting to find a community in the Sunday School class at my new church, and that works better when you're there on Sunday. But Sunday School wasn't happening today, because people were traveling for Thanksgiving. And I wanted to focus on doing some homework today, so I texted her last night asking what time the early service was. This morning, I made a trip to the suburbs to see her sing with the praise choir.
I'm sorry I didn't do it earlier.
~~~
I put a lot of stock in visits. Friends who visit get credit (and sometimes people who don't visit get demerits). Obviously there's a lot of variation to how important a visit is, but it demonstrates the value of the relationship. The time to come out. The effort to plan. The simple support of being there.
Yes, it can be stressful to host people, witness hosting my family for this year's Thanksgiving celebration. But if you want bonus points with me, visit.
I try to visit other people too. Road trips are more fun when you see friends.* Plus, if I expect visits, it's only fair to visit others.
~~~
I arrived in the middle of the service. (It was only a half-hour long.) When the band went up again, S spotted me on the back pew and waved.
As soon as she could make her way back to me at the end of the service, she was thanking me for coming and introducing me to everyone.
She told me as we went out for coffee, that my coming allows her to show the church members she has friends. I'm not the only one who hasn't visited her new congregation yet. I'm the first who has.**
As we drove back to the church so she could lead youth group, she thanked me again. "When I saw you, I got the same sort of feeling that you get when you're a kid and your parents come to your concert." That safety of having someone who loves you. The confidence of knowing someone watching is going to be cheering for you. The comfort of a familar face.
I told S, as well as any church members who asked, that I won't return often. I have my church home. But today was a reminder of the value of visits.
*Though I am sorry when there's too little time and I don't get to catch up with everyone in the area. There's a balance between time with people and people people people.
**Granted, a lot of her friends are from seminary and busy with their own congregations on Sunday morning.
When I have talked to her, she's invited me to come to her church. I haven't gone. Still trying to get used to not visiting a new place every other Sunday. Wanting to find a community in the Sunday School class at my new church, and that works better when you're there on Sunday. But Sunday School wasn't happening today, because people were traveling for Thanksgiving. And I wanted to focus on doing some homework today, so I texted her last night asking what time the early service was. This morning, I made a trip to the suburbs to see her sing with the praise choir.
I'm sorry I didn't do it earlier.
~~~
I put a lot of stock in visits. Friends who visit get credit (and sometimes people who don't visit get demerits). Obviously there's a lot of variation to how important a visit is, but it demonstrates the value of the relationship. The time to come out. The effort to plan. The simple support of being there.
Yes, it can be stressful to host people, witness hosting my family for this year's Thanksgiving celebration. But if you want bonus points with me, visit.
I try to visit other people too. Road trips are more fun when you see friends.* Plus, if I expect visits, it's only fair to visit others.
~~~
I arrived in the middle of the service. (It was only a half-hour long.) When the band went up again, S spotted me on the back pew and waved.
As soon as she could make her way back to me at the end of the service, she was thanking me for coming and introducing me to everyone.
She told me as we went out for coffee, that my coming allows her to show the church members she has friends. I'm not the only one who hasn't visited her new congregation yet. I'm the first who has.**
As we drove back to the church so she could lead youth group, she thanked me again. "When I saw you, I got the same sort of feeling that you get when you're a kid and your parents come to your concert." That safety of having someone who loves you. The confidence of knowing someone watching is going to be cheering for you. The comfort of a familar face.
I told S, as well as any church members who asked, that I won't return often. I have my church home. But today was a reminder of the value of visits.
*Though I am sorry when there's too little time and I don't get to catch up with everyone in the area. There's a balance between time with people and people people people.
**Granted, a lot of her friends are from seminary and busy with their own congregations on Sunday morning.
Thursday, November 4, 2010
Midterm Meltdown
Hi [Director of Publications],
It's not an exaggeration to say I stomped into my apartment building this evening. Stressful week at work has tapped into my insecurities and stuff this afternoon had pushed me over the edge. I unlocked my mailbox and there's a magazine in plastic. All of my other subscriptions have arrived in the past week, so I start grumbling to myself about [college alumni magazine] being wrapped in plastic. And why would my college be so environmentally unfriendly. And that's about as far as I got, before actually getting it out of the box and seeing that it's wrapped with the 2011 calendar.
Audible gasp. Yay! Thank you for bringing the calendar back!
I haven't even looked at it yet. But it's already made my evening better.
Thank you!
~~~
Nothing to do with the midterm elections. I'm not even sure it's stress about my Presentation. Everything to do with the stress of school. Playing on my insecurities. Apparently I'm not doing well at expressing myself clearly this term.
Somehow it's reassuring to know I'm not the only one overwhelmed right now.
Also, helpful to have a cohort who knows me well enough to call me while I'm in class and leave a voicemail telling me that I'm awesome. (Thanks!)
It's not an exaggeration to say I stomped into my apartment building this evening. Stressful week at work has tapped into my insecurities and stuff this afternoon had pushed me over the edge. I unlocked my mailbox and there's a magazine in plastic. All of my other subscriptions have arrived in the past week, so I start grumbling to myself about [college alumni magazine] being wrapped in plastic. And why would my college be so environmentally unfriendly. And that's about as far as I got, before actually getting it out of the box and seeing that it's wrapped with the 2011 calendar.
Audible gasp. Yay! Thank you for bringing the calendar back!
I haven't even looked at it yet. But it's already made my evening better.
Thank you!
~~~
Nothing to do with the midterm elections. I'm not even sure it's stress about my Presentation. Everything to do with the stress of school. Playing on my insecurities. Apparently I'm not doing well at expressing myself clearly this term.
Somehow it's reassuring to know I'm not the only one overwhelmed right now.
Also, helpful to have a cohort who knows me well enough to call me while I'm in class and leave a voicemail telling me that I'm awesome. (Thanks!)
Sunday, October 31, 2010
Notes for when I'm stressed, among other things
Things to be aware of when I'm stressed:
It amazes me how some friends manage to amplify my stress while others diffuse it. And it's not consistent. Surely much to do with my mood. But feels like there's more than I understand. Good luck making sense of me.
~~~
So that's where I was mid-afternoon on Saturday. Which made it extra amazing when I called a friend to come with me to the trail I visited at the beginning of the month and she could join at the last minute.
The sun was well on its way down by the time we arrived. (But it was okay because I take the scenic drive past the crazy-rich houses.) Even the buildings were glowing in the light.
October has seen the span of fall here. Last time the leaves were a week or two away from peaking. There are a few left in the tree now, but more carpeting the trail than shading the sun.
Not that the sun was in position to be shaded.
We saw a herd of deer. (Pictures didn't turn out. Too far away for the flash to do anything. Too dark not to use it.) Wandered into the Halloween Hike--complete with luminaria and costumed employees doing skits educating us about nature. Debated whether that was a black squirrel or whether it was simply in the shadows.
Agreed we had perfect timing in leaving the trail.
Drove back home amazed at how much calmer I was.
~~~
In separate news, I needed a pair of black pumps, so I went shoe shopping. Came out with super-pointy yellow heels. Not so black, but D. says I can play fashionista.
Also got a pair of menswear-style high-heel lace-up oxfords. They're black. And heels. And I think I can go dancing in them. Plus they can also replace the black boots that I have that, really, I didn't even wear much last winter because the insole is sad and old and when I tried to add a schmancy Dr. Scholl's type one it crowded my foot.
I should probably throw those boots away. They're past the donate stage. Otherwise I'd still be wearing them.
~~~
A week from now, I'll be back from my first conference presentation. I'm excited for that.
More excited for the weekend crew reunion happening afterwards. Camp friends convince me time and again that friendship withstands distance, different lifepaths, and far too few visits. Remind me to talk about that in a future post.
- There are lots of times when I can handle crowds. Or groups. High-stress times, not so much.
- I have learned to be spontaneous. Or at least more last minute. But when I'm stressed, I need things planned.
• But I need to not be the one planning everything.
• Especially if someone else said they'd get back to me. It's in your hands then. - When I'm stressed I'd rather stick to my plans with a group of people I don't know than do something spur-of-the-moment with a group I do know.
• But it's more likely I'll end up home alone.
• Though probably healthier for me to not be too antisocial for long.
It amazes me how some friends manage to amplify my stress while others diffuse it. And it's not consistent. Surely much to do with my mood. But feels like there's more than I understand. Good luck making sense of me.
~~~
So that's where I was mid-afternoon on Saturday. Which made it extra amazing when I called a friend to come with me to the trail I visited at the beginning of the month and she could join at the last minute.
The sun was well on its way down by the time we arrived. (But it was okay because I take the scenic drive past the crazy-rich houses.) Even the buildings were glowing in the light.
October has seen the span of fall here. Last time the leaves were a week or two away from peaking. There are a few left in the tree now, but more carpeting the trail than shading the sun.
Not that the sun was in position to be shaded.
We saw a herd of deer. (Pictures didn't turn out. Too far away for the flash to do anything. Too dark not to use it.) Wandered into the Halloween Hike--complete with luminaria and costumed employees doing skits educating us about nature. Debated whether that was a black squirrel or whether it was simply in the shadows.
Agreed we had perfect timing in leaving the trail.
Drove back home amazed at how much calmer I was.
~~~
In separate news, I needed a pair of black pumps, so I went shoe shopping. Came out with super-pointy yellow heels. Not so black, but D. says I can play fashionista.
Also got a pair of menswear-style high-heel lace-up oxfords. They're black. And heels. And I think I can go dancing in them. Plus they can also replace the black boots that I have that, really, I didn't even wear much last winter because the insole is sad and old and when I tried to add a schmancy Dr. Scholl's type one it crowded my foot.
I should probably throw those boots away. They're past the donate stage. Otherwise I'd still be wearing them.
~~~
A week from now, I'll be back from my first conference presentation. I'm excited for that.
More excited for the weekend crew reunion happening afterwards. Camp friends convince me time and again that friendship withstands distance, different lifepaths, and far too few visits. Remind me to talk about that in a future post.
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