Text conversation to make me smile

me: hey, think tomorrow can end up working. pick me up at the train station at 2h15?
friend: sounds good! see you then!
me: yay! will want to do work for part of time, but can catch up too
friend: No worries, it will be good just to see you before I go!
me: exactly. one final in person taking advantage of the summer. cause who knows when we'll live even this close again. (is that sad to say? it doesn't feel it.)
friend: Hey. I'm expecting some good times together in the nursing home, ok?
me: that will make it easier for your 128-year-old self to attend my funeral :)
friend: that's right, it's all about efficiency!

My phone's old fashioned.

If I want to archive conversations,

typing them up for here is the best choice.

Weekend Snapshots: Last Student Graduation Edition

Things to remember from this weekend:

• The immediate feeling of forgetting what the city is like. Accepting it's a different world.
• Hug attack when my girl saw me.
• "I'm glad you made it," from her mom.
• Gossip sessions with everyone. Hearing their redemption stories.
• Swimming in the lake. Even if I didn't jump off the cliff.
• Wandering trails a mile from where I used to live, but never knew about.
• Being told, "It's good you left when you did."
• Sprinkle ice cream cones and cheese balls.
• Telling the Hallmark movie it's being ridiculous for not having any mud on the cars driving a dirt road to camp. Looking at my dust-covered rental as proof. 
• Getting to know my replacement. A year after she's been replaced.
• Sitting outside writing the goodbye letters.
• Shout-out during the graduation speech. 
• Nicknaming my girl's friend within minutes of meeting him.
• Meeting my other girl's fiance.
• Worrying about their future. Even the ones you don't worry about, you do.
• Seeing past graduates. The one home from military for a few weeks. The baby-daddy holding his kid. The college-girl set to graduate. The runaway this time honestly released from jail. The college freshman pumped for next year. The gangsters chilling.
• "I knew this is what you were getting me." "Good. I mean, I told you years ago. Had to look hard to get the right color pink."
• Interrupting conversation every few minutes with, "Wow. You really can see the eclipse."
• Failed cell phone calls. Of course.
• Cooking with the roommate. Because we miss doing that.
• Getting a warning for speeding. Despite a rental car and an out of state license.
• Realizing I never spent time in the city when I lived here.  Driving new routes, discovering better food, exploring new parks.
• Reconsidering calling a place this size a city.
• Reading this post in the airport. Watching the video. Finally starting my cathartic cry.

[Edit: things that I forgot]

• Watching Grey’s and sharing a bottle of good wine, because that’s what we do.
• Going out stargazing. Deciding not to turn around, but to follow the other path back. Failing to find the other path. (Ooops.)
• 34 graduates. Optimistic 9 going away to college. Cross your fingers for that ninth one.

Disappointed

As much as the little visits can build connections, the missed opportunities can shake the faultline underlying a friendship. Because each time it doesn't work out, it tells me that I'm not that important to you.

~~~

It's sad that I don't feel surprised when plans fall through.

~~~

There are lots of opportunities that I miss. More people than I have time to see. And we all have to find some personal time when we can.

I get that.

I just thought you could squeeze me in. Instead I'm feeling shoved out.

Follow-up Visit

Even virtual visits count. Especially when there's a crazy time difference. The kind where oceans and/or continents are involved. Miles and miles and it's been far too long since I've talked to some people.

Which is why I'm grateful for Christmas letters. An annual reason to check out people's mailing addresses. To have them say, nope, that's not going to get to me. And while I get an address so that my mail will find it's way to them, we set up a Skype date or a phone call or something.

And we talk. You may feel like you told me too much about you and didn't hear enough about me, but that wasn't the important part. It is important to know you're still there. To re-establish that you're someone I care about and who cares about me. To spend time together, even if we're doing it on different days.

Visits

I haven't seen S much this semester. We met at church when I first moved here, but we're both going to different congregations now. I haven't run into her when I study in the library at her seminary. We haven't even seen each other online as often.

When I have talked to her, she's invited me to come to her church. I haven't gone. Still trying to get used to not visiting a new place every other Sunday. Wanting to find a community in the Sunday School class at my new church, and that works better when you're there on Sunday. But Sunday School wasn't happening today, because people were traveling for Thanksgiving. And I wanted to focus on doing some homework today, so I texted her last night asking what time the early service was. This morning, I made a trip to the suburbs to see her sing with the praise choir.

I'm sorry I didn't do it earlier.

~~~

I put a lot of stock in visits. Friends who visit get credit (and sometimes people who don't visit get demerits). Obviously there's a lot of variation to how important a visit is, but it demonstrates the value of the relationship. The time to come out. The effort to plan. The simple support of being there.

Yes, it can be stressful to host people, witness hosting my family for this year's Thanksgiving celebration. But if you want bonus points with me, visit.

I try to visit other people too. Road trips are more fun when you see friends.* Plus, if I expect visits, it's only fair to visit others.

~~~

I arrived in the middle of the service. (It was only a half-hour long.) When the band went up again, S spotted me on the back pew and waved.

As soon as she could make her way back to me at the end of the service, she was thanking me for coming and introducing me to everyone.

She told me as we went out for coffee, that my coming allows her to show the church members she has friends. I'm not the only one who hasn't visited her new congregation yet. I'm the first who has.**

As we drove back to the church so she could lead youth group, she thanked me again. "When I saw you, I got the same sort of feeling that you get when you're a kid and your parents come to your concert." That safety of having someone who loves you. The confidence of knowing someone watching is going to be cheering for you. The comfort of a familar face.

I told S, as well as any church members who asked, that I won't return often. I have my church home. But today was a reminder of the value of visits.




*Though I am sorry when there's too little time and I don't get to catch up with everyone in the area. There's a balance between time with people and people people people.
**Granted, a lot of her friends are from seminary and busy with their own congregations on Sunday morning.

Wishing for some magic

The first installment of summer fling meet the friends went reasonably well.

(Why yes. We do have some gossip to catch up on. Let's set up a skype date, shall we? Warning, I'm out of town this weekend.)

Everyone seemed to like everyone else. Which made me realize how incredibly much I value some people's input.

~~~

S.F. commented that amid his moves and not knowing where home was anymore he doesn't feel like he has the strong friendships as much right now. I looked back up at my apartment thinking through the past five to seven years.

Those friends are quality. We're keeping in touch--no matter where our lives take us. I mean, I moved to the country and S. was still one of my biggest supports. And A. got extended debriefs when I saw her. Now she's in another country, and, even if we don't talk as often as we should, she's someone I trust with stories and secrets. And the two of them have been supports for each other as well.

I thought back to our dinner. How fun it was to have A. with me to team up when teasing S. (Sorry. It's true. :) How comfortable it was being with them.

I'm not sure how to make that happen. A bit of bonding experiences. Mixed with time. Probably a pinch of magic.

~~~

Kinda hope this fling has some magic in it too.

Update from the road, stop #1

It has been a great trip so far. It's amazing how much more I relax when I know that I don't have to lesson plan for another month and don't really need to for two months. I won't have anything to grade for a few weeks more....

Taking the longer time visit friends is lovely too. It's short enough that we still need to be intentional about spend time together, but long enough that we don't need to have deep conversation or doing something crazy every minute. You get back to that point of comfort where you can be with each other and not worry about ignoring each other.

So to all the people I've been with this week, thank you. To those of you who I will visit soon, I'm so excited! Yippee!

T-? Counting down the hours until leaving

Okay. Kinda sorta packed. Still need to wash some dishes. Clean the bathroom. And accept the fact that my room will be a mess while I'm gone.

Made it through my end-of-year discussion with the organization that brought me here. (Notable that I was NEVER evaluated by my school.) Cleaned out the fridge and took food over to a friend who's staying the summer (and has a family to help eat). Straightened out books and papers in the living room/FEMA trailer lesson planning central. Poked around online for way more time than I should.....Ooops?

See many of you soon! *hugs* to the rest.

Still hate goodbyes

Family visited this weekend. My sister hadn't seen where I live yet, and my parents hadn't been here since I actually started teaching. I'm more settled than I was. More comfortable with where I am. Less stressed-out by what I'm doing. Not that I'm excellent by any means, but that I'm doing a whole lot better. That's reassuring to remember.

On Saturday, we visited one of the "local" tourist destinations. After driving two-and-a-half hours to get there (and drive around some more), I think mom and dad realize why I'm getting used to driving by myself everywhere. The 45-minute drive to their hotel didn't hurt either. I don't think I realize how much I've changed here, but adjusting to distance is still something that I'm working on.

Inhale

Break was lovely. (Isn't it always? At least this year?) Getting out of town. Spending time with an amazing friend. Being spoiled by her mother. (Listed because that's the order of how things happened.) Thank you, lovely.

And now three and a half days of school. Easter. More school. Family visit. And then a lot more school before the year's over. By lot, I mean that I'll have ~8 weeks after my family leaves.

Then my road trip home. If you want to be visited en route, let me know. I'm actually beginning to think about plans. Oooh.

I'm not sure I should be this excited over a countdown

24 hours from now I will be elsewhere.

I'm not sure where I'll spend the night tomorrow, one hotel or another en route. But by this point tomorrow I will be on the road. Probably watching tv. Or eating out (and not at McDonald's because it's the only place open). Or at the mall (or some other consumeristic place).

I'm psyched. Too many recent weekends in town. It's time to get away.

I'll have to do some grading over the break. And planning, as always. But yay break! (And it only makes me look forward to summer more.)

But no matter, there is one thing you should know

I went to a close-out sale at Borders this weekend. Picked up the latest Sweet Honey in the Rock cd. It was perfect for my drive back. Especially the track "Indaba: We Believe In You." I can't find the lyrics online, and I'm too lazy to type them up. You can stream it from the website or just take a guess based on the title.

A large part of this weekend was just needing to hear the messages of affirmation. From the, "We're rooting for you," and "We're proud of you," to the, "This letter is junk, let's burn it!" Hearing this cd on the drive back continued in that theme.

There are definitely people here who help build me up, but there's something about hearing the messages from people who have known me longer. Being able to get actual hugs. Being able to take the time to talk about things and to not talk about things.

I'm doing better having faced today. We'll see what tomorrow has in store.

I fly back tomorrow, though won't go back to school until Monday. I'll be visiting college (again) in the meantime. I haven't gotten as much work done as I'd envisioned, but I think that's because I didn't account for travel in my vision. The reality is that half of my break is being used to travel.

New computer is fun. Shiny. Though again, getting adjusted to it is taking time. Figuring out what all programs I want on it. How they run. When I'll use what. Where all the old files are (because I'm hoping to use different accounts so I keep my different lives separate to some degree).

Apologies to everyone who I'm supposed to contact and haven't. No excuses per se, just the sense of fleeting time.

I miss you already

I took last week off. Needed the break from life here and we had Thanksgiving off, so it made sense.

It was perhaps the best decision I've made since graduation. I was able to escape enough that there were moments when I forgot I'm a teaching. Meaning that I wasn't worrying about lesson planning. Now was I thinking constantly about students and their problems. Instead I watched football games (yes, that was plural), lingered over lots of good meals, laughed with friends, and generally got to the point of remembering what it's like to be in an overall positive mood. It's already been a rough transition back. Taking all of those burdens back and trying to figure out how I'm going to balance life over the next three weeks or so.

Thank you to all the friends who made time in your schedules for me. Special thanks to those who let me sleep over. Both of you are amazing, I love your houses, and I am planning on coming back. And huge hugs to the friends who I didn't get to visit--especially those of you who are active in my support network right now. I really do miss you.

I'm getting tired and this post is getting cheesy. Time to stop. First, a reminder that there's a guest bedroom for friends who want to visit. *nods head, falls asleep*