What is leadership’s relationship to education? -- My response

In April of my first year teaching a student commented, "Remember last year when I didn't like you and wouldn't do the work?" I think it's fair to say I was a terrible classroom leader my first semester. The student who remembered not doing work had been part of a group walkout protesting my class, one of my low points as a teacher.

Looking back to diagnose what went wrong, I suspect a large part of my leadership failure was due to a clash of cultures. I set-up my classroom to make me a formal leader, but I was entering a culture that has a history of only following decisions as long as the group agreed with them. I entered with an attitude of knowing what we needed to achieve that year, but my students came from a culture that listens to everyone before taking action. The trappings of leadership that I knew were not the leadership my students recognized.

I improved as a teacher-leader.  I listened to the elders and began to internalize the values of my community. I tried to incorporate the values into my teaching. I'm not sure it can be taught, but I am proof it can be learned. My proof? The students who walked out of my class in the fall came in for extra tutoring in the spring.

Logistics fail? Or an explanation of the next post

The warning signs were there. The request was last minute (though I was never actually told the deadline). I sent a couple of questions back and the reply took longer than I was expecting.

Normally favor requests from strangers get lower priority. But the request got at something on my list. Would I be willing to write a short op-ed or two for a "Room for Debate" style feature for an undergrad online magazine? 

Extra points because the professor who recommended me is the person I've been asking about her experience with the Op Ed Project.

So I wrote a piece. Had a couple of people proofread (THANK YOU!). Submitted it.

And didn't hear back. 

Didn't see anything on the magazine's site with my name. 

Eventually found the second part of the feature. I'd submitted for the first part.

I understand if I submit to a major outlet, I might not hear back from the editor. But it's not that major. And you requested it.

I e-mailed again. Is the piece going to run? If you don't have immediate plans, I'd like to rescind my submission and publish it on my blog. 

I figure now's as good as time as any to actually publish. 

(But I'm not checking the op-ed submission box on my life list yet.)

Weekend Snapshots: Last Student Graduation Edition

Things to remember from this weekend:

• The immediate feeling of forgetting what the city is like. Accepting it's a different world.
• Hug attack when my girl saw me.
• "I'm glad you made it," from her mom.
• Gossip sessions with everyone. Hearing their redemption stories.
• Swimming in the lake. Even if I didn't jump off the cliff.
• Wandering trails a mile from where I used to live, but never knew about.
• Being told, "It's good you left when you did."
• Sprinkle ice cream cones and cheese balls.
• Telling the Hallmark movie it's being ridiculous for not having any mud on the cars driving a dirt road to camp. Looking at my dust-covered rental as proof. 
• Getting to know my replacement. A year after she's been replaced.
• Sitting outside writing the goodbye letters.
• Shout-out during the graduation speech. 
• Nicknaming my girl's friend within minutes of meeting him.
• Meeting my other girl's fiance.
• Worrying about their future. Even the ones you don't worry about, you do.
• Seeing past graduates. The one home from military for a few weeks. The baby-daddy holding his kid. The college-girl set to graduate. The runaway this time honestly released from jail. The college freshman pumped for next year. The gangsters chilling.
• "I knew this is what you were getting me." "Good. I mean, I told you years ago. Had to look hard to get the right color pink."
• Interrupting conversation every few minutes with, "Wow. You really can see the eclipse."
• Failed cell phone calls. Of course.
• Cooking with the roommate. Because we miss doing that.
• Getting a warning for speeding. Despite a rental car and an out of state license.
• Realizing I never spent time in the city when I lived here.  Driving new routes, discovering better food, exploring new parks.
• Reconsidering calling a place this size a city.
• Reading this post in the airport. Watching the video. Finally starting my cathartic cry.

[Edit: things that I forgot]

• Watching Grey’s and sharing a bottle of good wine, because that’s what we do.
• Going out stargazing. Deciding not to turn around, but to follow the other path back. Failing to find the other path. (Ooops.)
• 34 graduates. Optimistic 9 going away to college. Cross your fingers for that ninth one.

After School

She has her name tattooed on her arm.

I met her an hour ago as we walked down the hall. Her friend came in for tutoring. She was going...somewhere.

"Oh, come on. I can help you too."

"I'm not even a student here." I give her a look. "I go to the alternative school."

And so she's spent an hour watching me babble about fractions. Her friend's on a bathroom break while I check two problems. I show her the mistakes that I'd warned against. Just trying to make conversation.

"Do you teach ninth graders too?"

"Yeah. I have students in ninth, tenth, eleventh, and twelfth grade."

She asks if I teach this guy. Turns out he's her boyfriend. They met five months ago, and started dating almost immediately.

Apparently their relationship is going through some rough times.

She doesn't want to talk about it. Doesn't want to cry like she always does when she thinks about it. Without my asking, she tells me anyway.

She lost the baby.

It was a miscarriage.

He blames her for it.

And the worst part is, he was so mad he told her he hated her.

I reassure her the miscarriage was not her fault. I say it must be traumatic.

I don't know that I approve of her relationship, but I don't tell her that. I tell her that she needs to make sure that he gets over the hate before she faces him again. She reassures me that they're past that point already.

I'm not a marriage counselor. I've only had one boyfriend. We broke up after he sent me the "Check yes or no" note. Love was too strong a commitment for this second grader.

Her friend returns. Her shifts awkwardly conveying the message. This conversation is over. I tell them that my relationship advice is consistent: communication is key.

We laugh and it's back to practicing fractions with her friend.

I look back at her in wonder. She has the tough demeanor, tougher than most of my students. To tell your story to an almost stranger though, that kind of vulnerability takes courage beyond belief.

I'm adjusting

Mom commented tonight about how I'm coping better than a year ago. Things that used to drive me crazy are just par for the course. It's homecoming week, so we have more chaos than usual.

When the egg toss is scheduled for lunch on Tuesday instead of during the field day on Thursday, I've learned not to question too much. Only to wonder how late we'll be to 5th period. And when it's announced that we'll report to 5th period and then be called out for the toss, I managed to have students get started on their warm-up journals. Kept going with the work until we were called out. We left. I was skeptical that we'd come back (40 minutes left in class, but you know how long an egg toss can take...), but was ready to go when we did.

I don't like it. It's still frustrating. (I won't see those kids for the rest of the week.) But my expectations for the school (and myself?) are lowered to a point where I can take some time off and return to sanity.

Big words don't always make you sound smart, but they might make me smile

The question:
"The symmetric property of equality says that if a=b, then b=a. How does this relate to what you know of symmetry?"

The student's answer:
a=b and b=a are the same in a retrospective way in that of they are reversed

Root for the home team

When I went to football games last year, I found a couple of younger teachers and sat there for the game.

Not tonight.

I mean, I started off that way. But then a couple who I met on my walk home from the post office last week walked by and invited me to sit with them. "Hey, I remember you! What are you making?" (A throw.) "That's real pretty. We're going to sit up there. Why don't you come with us?"

So I did. And chatted with them. He, especially, commented about how so many people don't stay here long because they feel isolated. "Here's our cell phone number. Call us."

They left. I was sitting next to a different group of teachers. Then waved to the admin office secretary and the custodian who cleans my room. So I joined them for a bit. Another teacher came by. (Yes, it is a school.) And then one of my students came up.

I think she wants attention. Realize this is stating the obvious, not a major realization. A ninth-grader coming up to two of her teachers during the football game. And talking to one of them for the entire second half. (Complete with moving to a new seat location after she went to buy a snack.) I feel like I could relate to her almost too much. This is another new school for her. She's smart, in addition to being ahead of her classes. She's independent. She likes to redecorate her pants and be crafty. I'm worried for her. Partly because high school was often miserable for me. Partly because I worry for all the students here. Partly because she just seems so desperate for attention so early in the year. I'm not sure how much I can give her, but I hope things like tonight help make some sort of difference. I hope the little bits add up.

We lost the game, but I still feel like it was a worthwhile night out.

Quote to remember

I would prefer, because of coaching, to do it (tech training) during the school day. So we'll take some time off to do it. If nothing else I will flat-out cancel a day of school.

~From my superintendent during a meeting regarding training teachers on how to maintain the school website

Cracked up to B (or any other passing grade)

Calling home to nag students who haven't taken the final and it will make a difference for is not the easy good thing I'd hoped.

Didn't realize B was suspended. Didn't have anything to go on. Just mom's word. So made plans to have her take it afterschool tomorrow. Grades due Wednesday, no problem.

Then announcements come. Grades due at 4:00 tomorrow.

She was taking the test at 4.

Run around. Run around. Run around.

Think things are "sorted" now, but I'm not sure if it will make a difference.

Just say no

I'm doing my best to remain ignorant to the concept that one of my students is pregnant. She's one of my favorites really, but I haven't spent that much time with her this year. She's smart, she doesn't need me to explain the material to her. And I haven't figured out my role as an adult figure in the lives of these students yet.

In a way I'm not surprised. And really, I don't know yet. But it's getting harder to ignore the weight gain. Harder to miss the signs of hiding herself in her jacket or under her hoodie.

I did a remarkable job of ignoring the teen sex in high school. I didn't know people who got pregnant in college. I feel safe saying that the majority of friends reading this blog aren't having sex. No pregnancy. No.

Can I start handing out condoms? Do word problems about STDs? Fertility rates? Family size? Something? I don't really know what the sex ed is here, but I want more.

Returns are hard

The surprise break was great. Even though I didn't get out of town, just having time away from school was good.

But coming back is hard after any weekend. And the longer the break, the harder the return. I was great over the weekend, but this morning homesickness has hit. Hopefully, I'll get excited in the half hour before students come in for class.

working harder than 9 to 5

I'm not sure I want to go back to real work.

Lesson planning takes up so much time. Prepping for school eats up my life.

Last week we had testing. I had free time. I got to school 15-30 minutes later (between 7:50 and 8:05). I left earlier. (Except for family night.) I didn't plan forever after I got back. Instead I went for walks. Cooked good food. Talked to friends. Read books. (The fact that I've had three short weeks in a row now is also contributing here.)

It's been lovely catching up with people. Honestly, falling out of touch like we have can make me sad. Even though it is because we're busy with other adventures. Icky schedules not meshing. Time zones. Work hours. Spotty service. Traveling. Visitors. You know...that stuff.

Okay.

Six and half more weeks. And then I get to go wander.

Breathe out

The mother I was fearing didn't show up at family night.

See, I'm failing her daughter. By that I mean both that her daughter's grade in my class is a solid "F" and that there is something that I am not doing as a teacher. At least she's not learning.

I was all prepared, had the grade reports for everyone printed out so that I could show you point by point what assignments were contributing to your grade. But before we got to that we'd review your attendance. Because, with 13 absences and another dozen or so tardies since January, well, do you think you should be passing? But mom's been angry as the grade has dropped from a C to a D to a D- to a high F. I was dreading her.

Instead I got to talk with the families of four of my favorite students. Many who want to know what they can do to bring their grade up more. (Well, at least if 50% is many.) Parent night was actually kind of fun. Wow.

A head's up. I may not be blogging as much here in the next few weeks. I agreed to post on a blog for a class at my college and am trying to get my other blog updated some more. The class blog is locked (at my request, and maybe the request of some other alumni) but if you actually know me and want the address to the teacher blog, comment to give me a head's up or just send me an e-mail.

Casting a shadow

To fill up an extra ten minutes in class on Tuesday I talked about the eclipse. I got super-excited running around trying to model the effect of what happens, looking up pictures online. It filled up the time and at least one student asked, "So when is this happening?" It made me feel like maybe I'd somehow done something (even if not directly related to my class) to spark an interest.

The eclipse tonight wasn't all that exciting. At least not to the degree that I was running around the classroom.

Eclipses, at least lunar eclipses, are one of those ideas that are fun to learn about. They always sound so cool. But really it's just the way things line up. Though watching your shadow grow longer can be pretty fun too (just on warmer days).

I want things to work out as well in real-life as they do in theory. Like planning ahead. Teaching with models. Keeping up with e-mails. Cooking leftovers on weekends so I don't eat out of a box during the week. Getting more sleep.

And with that will follow directions and go to bed.


P.S. Wow, for the place where I'm trying to be positive, I feel like this has had a negative twist recently. There are good things going on. Four of my classes really got what was going on today. (Granted, in two of them I was only working with one student.) Some of the students who I struggled with the most in the fall have really been on the ball recently. I'm amazed at how much attitudes have improved. I'm hopeful that some days the material actually sinks in. Wish I was better at giving the applications that were fun, but that's something to work on for next year.

winding down, don't feel obligated to read

I skipped out on a Valentine's party tonight in favor of some down time alone before going skiing with people this weekend. Then I realized that there was a home game, so I decided to go watch.

Glad I did. It was the girls' last home game of the season. At the end of the first quarter, I commented that while we were behind, we had more than half of the other team's score (based on the other games I'd been too, this was notable). Halftime, a visitor pointed out that we might have a shot at winning, only 10 points behind. For a while we were ahead by 10 points, but with three minutes left in the game the other team scored six points in something like 11 seconds. (I'm not sure how it happened.) Tied. One team would lead. Another would. We won by a free throw with 0.1 seconds left.

I'm up later than I'd planned, so I won't hit the road as early as I'd planned. But the get-away will be all the more fun because I'm leaving town on a high note.

Grades

I've been a slacker in entering grades into our online system. Or to entering some of them in my gradebook. Catching up on it now.

Luckily the grades I haven't checked are mindless participation sheets instead of tests or other work that needs to be graded for accuracy. Still, a recent PhD comic made me smile in sympathy.


Only, I think my timeline is condensed. Change the hours to 10 minutes, undergrads to high schoolers, and I think you've got it.

as requested

One of you wanted pictures of my classroom. Actually, I think there have been multiple requests, but there was finally one that convinced me to take pictures. (That and I finally have enough decorations to not feel like a slacker.)
From the back looking forward. The construction paper on top is a number line that I have a student working on building. Just because the reference helps.


And from the front looking at the back. The computers look nicer in this picture than they actually are. Don't be fooled. My classroom, so low-tech it's depressing.

If the year is a marathon, why do I feel like I'm sprinting?

They added another subject to my class load starting last week. I'm feeling kind of overwhelmed by it all. So posts here not happening so much.

Back to lesson planning right now. Hopefully I'll update more sometime soon.

Maybe it's not fair to imitate students, but it's so tempting sometimes

Dear Person,

All I want for Christmas is students who want to learn. It'd be even better if they have basic skills, like how to address a letter; how to spell words like "juss," "cud," and "divid" correctly; how to multiply 2 times 4 without looking at a multiplication table or needing to correct themselves; "and how to sit in a little, uncomfortable desk for nearly half a day." I'm not asking that they even know the stuff I tried to teach this semester, just that they're at a point where they can learn it (and everything else) next semester. That'll be a miracle enough.

If you're feeling extra generous, toss in some extra organization for my school. Make the scheduling nightmares be fixed. Pull something out of your bag of tricks that will help the administration gain the staff's trust. Because the chaotic, all-day registration where no one knows what's going on or what's really required for graduation just made everyone grouchy.

Could you also give the resource room aides the background knowledge to be able to tutor the students in whatever we're teaching them? Provide them with lots of extra examples (worked out because the students can't seem to copy them from the board) of problems like 7/10 + 3/5. Because I don't have the time or patience to teach the adults who interrupt me as I'm trying to do something with the rest of my class. It'd be a great present, really.

Any extra materials you have for teaching could be amazing too. I have the new computer waiting at home, but an LCD projector with wireless remote sounds powerful. Textbooks for Algebra, I'm not even sure I can dream that far. Posters for my room, because I'm not an interior decorator (and if they're the ones students do for extra credit, all the better).

Finally, lots of strength for my fellow teachers and myself. Physical. Mental. Emotional. Spiritual. Psychological. And any other aspect that I'm too tired to think of right now. Book deals for our stories when we come out of here (at least for those who have time to write). And some extra entertainment in the meantime.

Thanks!

~Me

Style geek

Honestly, it'd be easier if I didn't want things to look consistent. Then I could just print the randomly generated worksheets online. (Though, really, some of the problems on them are annoying.)

Alas. Even if I didn't make pretty fractions for the advanced math kids. They're doing their best to make me upset with them. Apparently my retribution is fractions written like a/b instead of like . Obviously I am a mean teacher.

If I don't want to be actually mean, I should go get sleep.....hmmm....