Follow-up Visit

Even virtual visits count. Especially when there's a crazy time difference. The kind where oceans and/or continents are involved. Miles and miles and it's been far too long since I've talked to some people.

Which is why I'm grateful for Christmas letters. An annual reason to check out people's mailing addresses. To have them say, nope, that's not going to get to me. And while I get an address so that my mail will find it's way to them, we set up a Skype date or a phone call or something.

And we talk. You may feel like you told me too much about you and didn't hear enough about me, but that wasn't the important part. It is important to know you're still there. To re-establish that you're someone I care about and who cares about me. To spend time together, even if we're doing it on different days.

Unwritten Goal #26

26. Listen to all of the SXSW download tracks during the calendar year I download them.

~~~

I made it through the 2009 tracks, but didn't complete until sometime this summer. Secretly I'm hoping that I'll finish the 2010 tracks before December 31.

I have 361 tracks left to go.

~~~

I have a rule to only save the tracks that get 4 or 5 stars. Occasionally one with an awesome name or story will get by.

But mostly, as soon as I decide that I don't really like the song, it moves to the trash. Free up some memory for my poor computer.

~~~

I love when I fall in love with a song (and later a band) that I first heard on the downloads. A quarter of the songs on this year's review CD are from SXSW.

I should probably start the process of sending those. At least write the letter to go with...

~~~

Some awesome names I wouldn't have heard of otherwise. Written here because I'm not keeping the songs, so I'll forget them after tonight otherwise.

Band: Get Cape. Wear Cape. Fly.
Songs: 100 mph (in 2nd Gear)
It's Better to Spend Money Like There's No Tomorrow Than Spend Tonight Like There's No Money

~~~

Been listening to songs as I've typed this up. Down to 354 to go. Yikes, this one gets deleted. 353 songs in the next few weeks.

Notes to Self

Finals are done! As is the rewrite of the midterm that I was whining about. Whew. This is a finals period I will not miss. Though it did mark my first time ordering delivery pizza to the office. Or really, maybe, ever.

While I was trying to churn out pages, I left a lot of notes to myself in the margins. The two people who read my drafts when I was present laughed at one or the other at some point. So I'm saving some of my favorites. (And then deleting extra files from the computer. Common theme tonight.) Not sure this will be interesting to anyone other than future me. And not positive about that one either.

~~~

• Blargh. Need to get something done here, but just don’t wanna. Whine whine whine. But I’m spoiled by this lifestyle and really should work for it.
• I thought I knew what I was talking about, but now I’ve lost all confidence. It’s hard to care anymore.
• Same word? Really?
• Right word?
• Ditto.
• Ugh, that word again. Suggestions for what to use instead?
• I got sick of typing curricula/curriculum currici-ick new word please! Can change it back if you think I should
• I wanted to use prognosticate but I didn’t. Marvel at my restraint
  
• Feel like [prof] won’t like my phrasing here. But it makes sense to me. BAH.
• I like this paragraph. Please tell me it’s okay.
  
• Don’t need [the author's] first name. Even if I want it
• Hate this sentence. Just needed something here
• Bullshit
  Not including it as the close of the sentence, but kinda want to
  
• Okay that citation is ridiculous
• Add a bit more here. Make it fancy

~~~

Closing observation. Apparently I don't use punctuation to close the last sentence in these notes to myself. Work on that

Cheese, please?

I have no sympathy for my own whining. So I don't expect anyone else to either.

That said, the snowball fight happening outside my window sounds a whole lot more fun than the paper I'm fighting to convince myself to work on.

Visits

I haven't seen S much this semester. We met at church when I first moved here, but we're both going to different congregations now. I haven't run into her when I study in the library at her seminary. We haven't even seen each other online as often.

When I have talked to her, she's invited me to come to her church. I haven't gone. Still trying to get used to not visiting a new place every other Sunday. Wanting to find a community in the Sunday School class at my new church, and that works better when you're there on Sunday. But Sunday School wasn't happening today, because people were traveling for Thanksgiving. And I wanted to focus on doing some homework today, so I texted her last night asking what time the early service was. This morning, I made a trip to the suburbs to see her sing with the praise choir.

I'm sorry I didn't do it earlier.

~~~

I put a lot of stock in visits. Friends who visit get credit (and sometimes people who don't visit get demerits). Obviously there's a lot of variation to how important a visit is, but it demonstrates the value of the relationship. The time to come out. The effort to plan. The simple support of being there.

Yes, it can be stressful to host people, witness hosting my family for this year's Thanksgiving celebration. But if you want bonus points with me, visit.

I try to visit other people too. Road trips are more fun when you see friends.* Plus, if I expect visits, it's only fair to visit others.

~~~

I arrived in the middle of the service. (It was only a half-hour long.) When the band went up again, S spotted me on the back pew and waved.

As soon as she could make her way back to me at the end of the service, she was thanking me for coming and introducing me to everyone.

She told me as we went out for coffee, that my coming allows her to show the church members she has friends. I'm not the only one who hasn't visited her new congregation yet. I'm the first who has.**

As we drove back to the church so she could lead youth group, she thanked me again. "When I saw you, I got the same sort of feeling that you get when you're a kid and your parents come to your concert." That safety of having someone who loves you. The confidence of knowing someone watching is going to be cheering for you. The comfort of a familar face.

I told S, as well as any church members who asked, that I won't return often. I have my church home. But today was a reminder of the value of visits.




*Though I am sorry when there's too little time and I don't get to catch up with everyone in the area. There's a balance between time with people and people people people.
**Granted, a lot of her friends are from seminary and busy with their own congregations on Sunday morning.

Frostbit in warm weather

This post is mostly for my own memory. I don't think it works as well here as it did when I slide it into conversation. Which I'm apt to do.

~~~

I'm telling people I got frostbite on my thumb. I've never had frostbite before (despite seven winters in the midwest) and I haven't been to the doctor, so I'm not sure about the diagnosis. But it's a reasonable explanation, even for a nice fall weekend.

Took a break from my conference to meet my cousin. I let him choose where to meet and he suggested an ice cream place. Neither one of us realized how far it was from the conference hotel.

After walking approximately 2 miles in conference shoes (the menswear heels), I should have wanted to sit down to eat our ice cream. Don't know why not, but between wanting to be outside and some maniacal glutton for punishment, we went outside.

I'd asked for a medium waffle cone, because 1) cones are more fun and 2) I hadn't had lunch because it took me so long to find the ice cream place that I hadn't stopped for a sandwich and a cone definitely increases the nutritional content of the ice cream as lunch argument. I'm convinced that they gave me an extra large cone instead. More calories? They saw my hunger? I don't know.

What I do know is that the cone started to fall apart. I'd been managing to keep up with the drips, but then cracks appeared with more drips and I'm in conference clothes. (Yes, this was a BAD plan.) My pumpkin custard and fudge brownie were not staying in there. So as we walk around the block back to the ice cream store, I'm trying to hold the huge scoops in place with my thumb.

And that is how my thumb got frostbitten.

To the question, "Didn't it hurt?" I can only offer one reply. It was Ice Cream.

Midterm Meltdown

Hi [Director of Publications],

It's not an exaggeration to say I stomped into my apartment building this evening. Stressful week at work has tapped into my insecurities and stuff this afternoon had pushed me over the edge. I unlocked my mailbox and there's a magazine in plastic. All of my other subscriptions have arrived in the past week, so I start grumbling to myself about [college alumni magazine] being wrapped in plastic. And why would my college be so environmentally unfriendly. And that's about as far as I got, before actually getting it out of the box and seeing that it's wrapped with the 2011 calendar.

Audible gasp. Yay! Thank you for bringing the calendar back!

I haven't even looked at it yet. But it's already made my evening better.

Thank you!

~~~

Nothing to do with the midterm elections. I'm not even sure it's stress about my Presentation. Everything to do with the stress of school. Playing on my insecurities. Apparently I'm not doing well at expressing myself clearly this term.

Somehow it's reassuring to know I'm not the only one overwhelmed right now.

Also, helpful to have a cohort who knows me well enough to call me while I'm in class and leave a voicemail telling me that I'm awesome. (Thanks!)

Pretend this is Tumbler or For the midterms

Because I'm quoting all of this. (For more, check out The Poetry Foundation's blog.)

Poem on the Occasion of the Midterm Election

Dream Brazil is a wash—

too expensive. Dream Antarctica again

and the cold feels good.

And I look all right there

in the big blue coat.

I never wanted to impress

anybody, so I kept it

unremarkable. The plain truth is

not enough now to change

the empire into a flower.

It is already a hummingbird

in an endless loop. No

no, they say, there’s power

still in children and old

people. There’s power in swarming

the neighbors and refusing to

die. There’s power in songs.

It’s we who are powerless.

—Matthew Rohrer

from Destroyer and Preserver, forthcoming from Wave Books

via: Wave Books

Half-check

10. Do a canoe trip


Remembered that I never wrote this up. Three weeks ago, when I road-tripped to visit a college friend, we went canoeing. It wasn't an overnight trip. We didn't even pack a full meal. Had trail tapas instead. Small course here of mustard pickles and cheese. An apple there. Another fancy cheese course with delicious bread. Chips and salsa. I'm hungry now.

I'm even more excited about the idea of doing a long canoe trip now. But if it doesn't happen in the next 4.75 years, pictures to let me check it off my list.


See. This photo has the canoe in it. And a pretty bridge. (The other photos of the bridge are nicer, but they don't have the canoe.)

Going under this bridge was awesome. It was high enough that I didn't need to duck. I still did though.

It was a weekend for dads on the river. When this crew was getting in, I was nervous they would tip. But they got off fine.


See. Our canoe on the land beside them.


Ahh. Three weeks ago when it was still warm. Leaves were peak. And the birds were in flight.

Notes for when I'm stressed, among other things

Things to be aware of when I'm stressed:

• There are lots of times when I can handle crowds. Or groups. High-stress times, not so much.
• I have learned to be spontaneous. Or at least more last minute. But when I'm stressed, I need things planned.
  • But I need to not be the one planning everything.
  • Especially if someone else said they'd get back to me. It's in your hands then.
• When I'm stressed I'd rather stick to my plans with a group of people I don't know than do something spur-of-the-moment with a group I do know.
  • But it's more likely I'll end up home alone.
  • Though probably healthier for me to not be too antisocial for long.

~~~

It amazes me how some friends manage to amplify my stress while others diffuse it. And it's not consistent. Surely much to do with my mood. But feels like there's more than I understand. Good luck making sense of me.

~~~

So that's where I was mid-afternoon on Saturday. Which made it extra amazing when I called a friend to come with me to the trail I visited at the beginning of the month and she could join at the last minute.

The sun was well on its way down by the time we arrived. (But it was okay because I take the scenic drive past the crazy-rich houses.) Even the buildings were glowing in the light.


October has seen the span of fall here. Last time the leaves were a week or two away from peaking. There are a few left in the tree now, but more carpeting the trail than shading the sun.


Not that the sun was in position to be shaded.


We saw a herd of deer. (Pictures didn't turn out. Too far away for the flash to do anything. Too dark not to use it.) Wandered into the Halloween Hike--complete with luminaria and costumed employees doing skits educating us about nature. Debated whether that was a black squirrel or whether it was simply in the shadows.


Agreed we had perfect timing in leaving the trail.

Drove back home amazed at how much calmer I was.

~~~

In separate news, I needed a pair of black pumps, so I went shoe shopping. Came out with super-pointy yellow heels. Not so black, but D. says I can play fashionista.

Also got a pair of menswear-style high-heel lace-up oxfords. They're black. And heels. And I think I can go dancing in them. Plus they can also replace the black boots that I have that, really, I didn't even wear much last winter because the insole is sad and old and when I tried to add a schmancy Dr. Scholl's type one it crowded my foot.

I should probably throw those boots away. They're past the donate stage. Otherwise I'd still be wearing them.

~~~

A week from now, I'll be back from my first conference presentation. I'm excited for that.

More excited for the weekend crew reunion happening afterwards. Camp friends convince me time and again that friendship withstands distance, different lifepaths, and far too few visits. Remind me to talk about that in a future post.

Geek out

Sometimes I love the internet. Today's goody found from NotCot which got it thru Flavorwire which linked me to FlowTown. Think that's where it all started.

I definitely fit the description of a book geek.



Possibly qualify as a food geek.



With tech geek leanings? (I am writing this blog post on my Apple...)



That sounds about right. Find your geek identification at the full chart.

Growing cooler, not older

In middle school I thought it would be a sign of how out of it I was when I learned about new music from NPR. I'm choosing to think NPR is that much cooler now and submit the new All Songs 24/7 stream as evidence.

(Also, ever in love with the Current. Which, let's face it, has been a major source of new music for me since it was founded my sophomore year of college. [Is that right?] )

There's a draft of a Paper with my name on it for me to go over. In preparation for my Presentation, eep, next week.

Meanwhile I really need to get this midterm written. So the capital letters will wait while I work on the lowercase deadline.

Sign of getting older that no one ever talks about

I Facebook friended a guy I met swing dancing last night. He told me he was still in college, but it wasn't until I saw his birthday that I realized he's younger than some of my students.

Relating to him, totally peer.

Relating to them, mostly still in teacher mode.

It's crazy how we get cast into the roles we meet people in. I almost understand it, and then, shocked.

I have a fair number of friends older than me. Old enough to have been my teacher. Or baby-sitter. Even some who that baby-sitter is really when I was a baby. But I don't have many friend more than, say, 3 years younger than me. Those people were my sister's friends growing up. Or didn't overlap enough in college. Or I haven't run into in the "real world" yet.

But it's happening. And I'm excited for it.

From my kitchen

It's after midnight and I'm yawning and rubbing my eyes. Clearly I should go to bed. But I wanted to show off one of my afternoon projects first.

The wall in my kitchen felt empty. I'm not a decorator. At all. And when I do it's usually not in the best taste. I'm working on it. But I think today's craft is one I'll look back on in 5 or 10 years and still think is cool.



Even if this photo of it isn't.

Wall-hanging. Made from paper that was the camp craft when I was the craft hut lady. Because I'm sentimental and keep saving the paper when clearly it should be used.


The difficult part about this hanging is that the paper's on the fragile side. I didn't want the thread causing extra strain on the paper, so my trick was to cut up a ziplock bag to reinforce the paper at the knots/thread. Really hoping it works to keep this in decent condition for a while. Because, right now, I think it's pretty awesome.

I only took a closeup of the goldfinch. Not the crow or hummingbird.

Thread + Movie

Notcot promised " "3 petits points" tells the story of a dressmaker that repairs the world with thread and a knitting needle. A animated film directed by 6 students"

Not convinced that's what I got (thread and sewing needle more like it). But do like the story. Identify with the feeling more often than I like to admit.




Edit: I've made the embedded video super tiny because it doesn't seem to fit the width of the Blogger template otherwise. And I'm too lazy to try to figure out that code. Make it full screen (or go to YouTube) and it won't matter.

Not what I thought this post was going to be about

I'm still amazed at how much I like driving. Eight hours to visit a friend is
a) a good chance to listen to country radio
b) time to hear debates on talk radio
c) opportunity to rediscover old favorite cds
d) the perfect excuse to make a playlist of music to decide whether I like it or not
e) best spent with the windows rolled down
f) excellent alone time
g) a reason to call people in my phone's contact list who I haven't talked to in far to long
h) short enough to justify a long weekend trip
i) especially if I tell myself I can sleep in on Monday morning, since I end up not leaving until after an early dinner...

~~~

I failed the driving test 3 times. The first time I'd practiced the route with my instructor in the hour before I took the test. They changed it. Had a whole new procedure. Still not sure I'll ever pull my car off the road and then back up into my lane.

Second time it was parallel parking (there were potholes in the spot) that I thought I'd never really need to use, because I wasn't going to live in the city.

Mmmm... yeah...about that.

~~~

My first long solo car trip I stopped ever couple of hours at the beginning and every hour by the end.

Now I can start for 4 hours. Then I'm hungry.

Current favorite chains to eat at when I'm driving (and can't find a cute local spot from the interstate signs):
a) Culvers
b) Chic-fil-a
c) Olive Garden

The flowchart from last year, apparently doesn't jive with me.

~~~

My first driving experience post-getting my permit was on a stick. It was terrifying. Stalled out everywhere.

Eventually I figured it out though. It was that or only drive the minivan to school.

And now it's not fun to drive anything else.

Not sure what this means in a market where they're disappearing. Hybrid and manual don't go together as efficiently.

But that's okay. My car's only tipping 60 thou. Hope we have many more miles ahead of us.

Puddles on a Clear Day

Though here's proof that water was involved (for part of the day).


Some days I marvel at how much I've changed.

This evening's been a reflection at how much some things stay the same.

Listened to the new Belle and Sebastian album. (Thanks NPR!) Flashback to junior year. Writing a paper for Annette. Listening to their live concert as it streamed on NPR's website. Driving to the coast to talk to my parents' friend about her career. Hanging out with D. It's been a while since I listened to them on repeat. I didn't realize how much I still liked them.

I've listened to Ghost of Rockschool over 5 times now. (Probably over 10 times. It ends and I click over and start it again.) I'm pretty positive the song would have been my favorite five years ago too.

I've seen God in the sun
I've seen God in the street
God before bed and the promise of sleep
God in the puddles and the la-de-sum-eise
I've seen God shining up from her reflection

Feet are mine
The car is someone else's
Both photographed this afternoon

The years become a moment in the everchanging sand

Playlist for this post:
I Came to Hear the Music by Bonnie 'Prince' Billy
Leaves Don't Drop (They Just Let Go) by Carrie Newcomer
Written On The Breeze by Joel P West
Antebellum by Vienna Teng

~~~

Yesterday I looked out my window at a clear blue sky and just had to get out.

Walked to the waterfront and declared I was glad I'd emptied the trash so the excursion wasn't a total waste. It was the type of day that looks nice from the window, where you can't feel the wind.

~~~

I skipped church this morning. Didn't want to spread my cold germs to everyone on the bus. In the church. Walking around the street. The sheer exposure to people in the city astounds me when I stop to think about it.

But by lunch, I was restless. Online reviews pointed me to a trail that wasn't too crowded. I'd drive there, so I got over my guilt. Besides the sniffles and coughs are lessening.

~~~

Even as remnants of summer flowers greet me,


and some trees appear unchanged,


the woods welcome me to Autumn.

Looking up


and down


gives evidence of the shifting seasons.

As I wander, I keep a lookout for the little things.


Like these acorn tops. If I were a button designer, I'd find a way to master this pattern. It's perfect for woolen fall coats.

The way the sun shines through the leaves

and the blossoms, barely hanging on.


Leaving the trail


and returning to civilized-nation, I reflect on what it means.


Only to realize, I'm not sure what "it" is.

Analogy Animal

Hanging out past my bedtime with a group of people that I mostly don't know to celebrate a friend's birthday. Half of us trying to describe someone who was with the group at the bar earlier. I'm sure I keep saying the wrong thing. A girl might be forming a crush on the guy, and we want to encourage that while preparing her for his extreme awkwardness.

I feel relieved when someone else comes up with an analogy. The guy is like a deer and the girl is a rabbit. Sudden movement will send the deer leaping away. Steady acclimation and they can end up being Bambi and Thumper. Not that the guy's Bambi. He's a stag. It's late, the bumbling babble continues.

That's how I was asked to come up with my analogy animal. Not a spirit animal. Simply one to stand in for me in analogies.

I settled on a penguin. The devotion to their mate appeals. As does the time when the women go off on their own. (Y'all know I need my independence in community.) Plus, they walk funny.

And their the unofficial second mascot for my college.

And everyone should like penguins.

Just like everyone should like me.

~~~
Anyone have other suggestions for my analogy animal? Picks for your own?

Working on the Nerd Cred

"I got some comic book collections at the library yesterday."

"Like Sunday comics?"

"No. Comic books."

"Like graphic novels?"

"No. Comic books. Like come in 22 page episodes. Collected in massive tomes? Loved the collection of Wonder Women by Jodi Picolt..."

"Woah! When did this start?"

~~~

National Read Comics in Public Day was a few weeks ago.

Or, like, a month ago. Whatever.

I found out about it from Monkey See, one of the few blogs that I refuse to put in my reader because I like going to the website. And know when to limit my visits so there is something new when I bop over.

This is the part that got me hooked.

Look; I read comics on the bus, on the subway and while waiting for chronically tardy friends at coffee shops, bars(!) and restaurants. In any of these places, I'll talk about comics loudly, forcefully and at considerable length to anyone who'll listen, and to many who won't. Compunction about comics, I got none.

Or so I thought.

Earlier this week, on my way to record the latest Pop Culture Happy Hour, I stuffed into my bag a handful of comics to read on the subway. Didn't think about it, just grabbed a bunch as I ran out the door.

When I took them out to read, I noticed something. Unconsciously, I had selected books of a certain type. A type that can best be called: I am a Special Smartypants*, Comics Edition.

They were, all five of them, dense, serious, black-and-white comics about war and art and history and social class and blah. Again: I did not deliberately leave behind the superhero comics, and the manga, and the fantasy books, and the classic comic strip reprints I regularly read.

But as I sat there, staring down at the faithfully and exquisitely rendered landscape of some war-torn country or another, I tried to remember the last time I had read any superhero book, with its bright, colorful, spandex-clad mesomorphs facing off against aliens, or super-apes, or robots, or Nazis or alien super-ape robo-Nazis, while on the subway or at a bar. And I couldn't come up with one.

Clearly, then, my subconscious is a rank poseur. Who still cares enough about what others might think about his reading material to unconsciously self-edit his public choices. My subconscious, bless him, also clings to the downright laughable idea that the kind of tiresome, ungenerous people who'd judge me for reading comics would distinguish between, say, Footnotes in Gaza and Fantastic Four.

Here's the thing, though: I love the Fantastic Four. Jonathan Hickman and Dale Eaglesham are doing some fun, trippy, literally fantastic stuff on that book. So why pretend I don't? To strangers on the friggin' SUBWAY?

So. I'll be seizing Read Comics in Public Day as a chance to overcome the last lingering shreds of my internalized geekophobia. It'll be me, the dog and a pile of shamelessly goofy, high-concept, boldy colored, alien super-ape robo-Nazi-smashin' adventure.

~~~

To be fair to the friend on the other half of the conversation excerpted at the beginning, I have half a shelf of Sunday comic collections. That he flips through on a regular basis. I don't own many graphic novels, and read them quickly enough he hasn't seen me with them.

And the comic books are a new thing. Because they looked like fun to try on for a day.

And, let's be honest, reading about heroes is AWESOME!

Not going in the proposal, no matter how many times I write it

This will be my first conference presentation and I have no idea what I'm doing. And I’m unreasonably nervous about it.

Definitely true. (At least in part. I guess I have some idea what I'm doing. Maybe?) Probably suspected. But, geez, you don't put that in the formal thing.

Still needed to get it out there somewhere though.

Ticking Along

23. Give yoga a second chance

It took me a week after going to yoga class to remember that it was on my list. Ooops. Write-up required.

At my school, the strength and aerobic classes are free, but you have to pay for yoga and pilates. At least normally. My usual Friday gym class was canceled because of some exhibition being held in the gym, so I got to go to yoga for free. Yippee!

I liked it! The instructor led us through the poses in whatever normal soothing way. The friend I went with (who actually has done yoga before) called him deceptively challenging. "What was that when were balanced on the one foot, and we lifted our heels off the floor and now we're supposed to lift our toes too? What am I standing on?"

Crazy sore for the next couple of days, but that's expected. I'd go again. Often even. I can see how people get hooked. But, umm.., you have to pay for that class and I've got another one for free. I'll wait until it's not the more expensive option.

Tell it like it is, girl

Love eavesdropping on early-high-school girls.

I'm just gonna go up to him and say we need to establish a relationship.

Bam. I should start doing that.

Bias

When scientists in my profession publish results of their investigations they try not to reference other studies more than twenty or thirty years old. Those works are considered outdated, superseded by later investigations presumed more worth because more recent. Like the echoing mantra of Eminent Domain, the science that guides us seems anxious to discard the old, bring in the new. This casting aside of history may partly explain why, the older I get, the more I’m fascinated by it.

An old book I have describes the invasion of the Great Plains by cattle. The book smells like the libraries I inhabited during my dispersal years and where I first discovered girls who like reading. Does that bias my appreciation for it?

~page 80, Grass: In Search of Human Habitat by Joe C. Truett

Linked

At a concert yesterday, I liked this song,



because it reminded me of this video



that a friend sent out on Twitter today. After I rewatched the video, I went to the page for the show that inspired it where I listened to the current show that includes this interview



with a woman who, just last year, appeared with the folksinger in the first video.

I love the interconnected world.

Begin ticking items off

2. Pay off the student loans--DONE!

Little bit cheating, I did submit the payment before my birthday. But after it made it onto the list. Figured the way the market is, any money I'd invest would be at a lower interest rate than my debt. But DONE!!

Apparently I even overpaid by 16 cents. To see the elephants jump over the fence.

Wanders off to play handgames, a very grown-up endeavor, I promise.

25 Life Checks for the Next 5 years

1. Fry ice cream with Hannah
2. Pay off the student loans
3. Finish collecting degrees
4. Visit Hong Kong (or wherever in Asia my friends end up)
5. Pay to go to a show by myself (I already go to free ones, but this needs to be something I really want to see)
6. Have a windowsill full of houseplants
7. West Coast bound roadtrip
8. See the glaciers at Glacier National Park
9. Go to the northwoods
10. Do a canoe trip
11. Blow glass
12. Participate in NaNoWriMo
13. Complete a picture-a-day assignment
14. Grow herbs from seeds
15. Have a successful window garden (Huh, must really want this one. Or not. Saw it up there at number 7. Only gets to count once.)
16. Learn to recognize and use 25 native plants
17. Make a pair of earrings that I’ll wear as if they were my favorites
18. Find/Make an occasion to wear those 4-inch stiletto black boots
19. Keep in touch with a student through college graduation
20. Attend my sister’s graduation
21. Invest in stocks/mutual fund beyond the work retirement fund
22. Go sailing
23. Give yoga a second chance
24. Read all the new Newbery and Caldecott winners
25. Give more boldly
26. Go for two weeks where I wear something that I made daily (not saying that it has to be exclusively my-made stuff, just something)

Surprisingly difficult to come up with the right goals for this list. I was taught that goals should be ambitious, yet attainable. Not sure how much I buy into that, sometimes I like ridiculous goals. Or the ones that are already checked off. But neither of those fit this project.

Travel goals are easy for the list. It's clear when you've attained them. Clean my apartment/car. Not so much.

Craft goals don't really do it for me. More on ispiration than goals. If there was a goal, then it'd be done. Ditto with cooking.

Relationship goals, don't fit. Trying not to be on a timeline with them. Reconnect with people when I'm inspired to. Meet new people as life happens.

So yes. These are the written goals. Unwritten bonus is to keep bees. But really, we'll see where life takes me. Adventures to follow. (Perhaps, even to be written up.)

Repressed

Seriously? You're asking again? My first no wasn't enough? I wanted to avoid the total rejection spiel, but you better believe I can be a total mood killer. I will walk away. If you get me to come back, you better have an apology. At least don't push the issue further.

I have practice not going along with the crowd. I can not go along with you too. I won't feel bad about it. I refuse to. I will get ticked off at you though. And no one needs the building resentment that comes from pushing the point.

Whether you know them or not, there's a reason for my actions. Sure, they're not always logic-oriented, rational-based reasons. (The reasons you're giving me aren't either.) But they're my reasons. They work for me. Talk to me about them often enough, in an effort to understand them, and I may eventually change my view. But it has to be a change that I own. You can't make it for me. So don't even bother trying.

25 Life Checks from the First 5 years of my 20s

1. Learn to ski
1. Cross-country
2. Downhill
2. Start a blog
3. Move somewhere not knowing anybody
4. Keep in touch with friends
5. Learn to cook Indian food
6. Room with a stranger
1. And become friends
7. Live by myself
8. See my students graduate
9. Roadtrip to visit friends
10. Stay in a hotel by myself
11. Write something I’m proud of
12. Ask a stranger to dance
13. Go on a real date
14. Learn to use a pottery wheel
15. Go on a backpacking trip (even a short one)
16. Build a one-match fire
17. Track down a teacher to say thank you
1. Ditto for a camp counselor
18. Go to free concerts and dance by the stage
19. Learn to be okay when people around me are drinking and I don’t want to
20. Take a photo that I’m willing to frame and display
21. Organize a meet-up with people I only know from the Internetz
22. Meet a guy in the library
23. Go to another country
1. On a religious pilgrimage
2. To visit a friend
24. Stay close to my family, despite the distance
25. See a movie on opening night