TA needs to vent

Being a TA is hard. It's totally a different ball game than straight up teaching. (And I almost wonder if it is harder because I've been a straight up teacher.)

You have to translate between student and professor. And what you hear are the complaints, so you've got to negotiate how you phrase everything.

You have to grade assignments that you didn't come up with. So there are times where you don't know what's going on. And then you're defending something that you didn't write. (Plus, grading. More grading. MORE grading. Though I don't know how you keep teaching without looking at the grading to have a sense of where the misunderstandings are. I honestly, don't know.)

Also, it's hard to find mistakes in the profs work. I feel embarrassed every time I don't catch something. But I'm reading through for glaring stuff and things will make sense and then, whooops. Nevermind. Yup, students, the answer key to that problem is horribly incorrect. I think. Uhhhhhh.....

Almost worse though are the times where you think you catch something and the prof says, nope, not an error. And then students come back and ask you to explain and you have no idea. Cause you still think it's an error. And then you reference the book and can't find your mistake. Ask some friends and can't find your mistake. So you tell the students that and cross your fingers.

Which is WAY more complicated than when you're the teacher. Then you either a) know why you did something and can explain, or b) know why you did something and can admit your error. This middle ground is a TIME SUCK.

Cheese please. (To go with my whine.)

There are times when I feel like the school's picking on me. Many times. Far too often. I want to say, "You're a jerk. And I'm not as bad as you make me out to be." But have to respond more diplomatically.
There's the feeling of, "If you don't like me this much, if I'm this evil or whatever, just go ahead and fire me. It'd be a relief for me not to have to worry about this more. Screw yourselves over--the other teacher in my department won't last long without me here. But stop messing with me."

I try to limit the feeling. But there are times. And today is one of those times.

I try to remember that it's the students who are the real victims in this mess.

Try to hold on the the belief that people take their insecurities out on me because my demographics (first year teacher from the outside) make me vulnerable.

Try not to pass my insecurities on to the students.

Try to persevere.

The trick is caught between the determination not to quit with the hope of enough of an excuse for an out.

Maybe it's not fair to imitate students, but it's so tempting sometimes

Dear Person,

All I want for Christmas is students who want to learn. It'd be even better if they have basic skills, like how to address a letter; how to spell words like "juss," "cud," and "divid" correctly; how to multiply 2 times 4 without looking at a multiplication table or needing to correct themselves; "and how to sit in a little, uncomfortable desk for nearly half a day." I'm not asking that they even know the stuff I tried to teach this semester, just that they're at a point where they can learn it (and everything else) next semester. That'll be a miracle enough.

If you're feeling extra generous, toss in some extra organization for my school. Make the scheduling nightmares be fixed. Pull something out of your bag of tricks that will help the administration gain the staff's trust. Because the chaotic, all-day registration where no one knows what's going on or what's really required for graduation just made everyone grouchy.

Could you also give the resource room aides the background knowledge to be able to tutor the students in whatever we're teaching them? Provide them with lots of extra examples (worked out because the students can't seem to copy them from the board) of problems like 7/10 + 3/5. Because I don't have the time or patience to teach the adults who interrupt me as I'm trying to do something with the rest of my class. It'd be a great present, really.

Any extra materials you have for teaching could be amazing too. I have the new computer waiting at home, but an LCD projector with wireless remote sounds powerful. Textbooks for Algebra, I'm not even sure I can dream that far. Posters for my room, because I'm not an interior decorator (and if they're the ones students do for extra credit, all the better).

Finally, lots of strength for my fellow teachers and myself. Physical. Mental. Emotional. Spiritual. Psychological. And any other aspect that I'm too tired to think of right now. Book deals for our stories when we come out of here (at least for those who have time to write). And some extra entertainment in the meantime.

Thanks!

~Me

breakdown

It's hard not to take things personally. It's hard to know when to take things personally.

Like when my aide, who I thought I had a good relationship with, transfers out of my classroom because I'm rude to her.

Like when my cell phone decides to have the mic die.

Like when way too many of my students aren't doing the work.

What's my fault? What can I change? What do other perople need to deal with?