There are times when I feel like the school's picking on me. Many times. Far too often. I want to say, "You're a jerk. And I'm not as bad as you make me out to be." But have to respond more diplomatically.
There's the feeling of, "If you don't like me this much, if I'm this evil or whatever, just go ahead and fire me. It'd be a relief for me not to have to worry about this more. Screw yourselves over--the other teacher in my department won't last long without me here. But stop messing with me."
I try to limit the feeling. But there are times. And today is one of those times.
I try to remember that it's the students who are the real victims in this mess.
Try to hold on the the belief that people take their insecurities out on me because my demographics (first year teacher from the outside) make me vulnerable.
Try not to pass my insecurities on to the students.
Try to persevere.
The trick is caught between the determination not to quit with the hope of enough of an excuse for an out.
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