Thoughts across summer

A friend is on the PhD job market this year. A process I am closely watching because, y'know, that will be me next year. She definitely wants to continue the research path, but has a take it or leave it  attitude toward academia.

Until her dream job posted an open search.

It's at her undergrad college, which she loved. In a department she minored in. In the school she majored in. With a possible joint appointment to the department she majored in. In a town she would be thrilled to have a family in. It's a dream she couldn't fully imagine for herself until it became possible.

We were talking about the application process. How to write the cover letter to reveal passion without coming off like a crazy person. How the chair of the search committee received a PhD from the program my friend is graduating from. Her adviser used that connection to e-mail the chair, asking when the committee was scheduled to meet. Helpful information for knowing how soon you have to get your application in the pile. Also, helpful to have the chair looking for your application.

"What about your college professors?" I ask. "Have you talked to any of them to get a sense of what the department's like from the faculty side?"

She laughed me off, "It's been 14 years since I graduated. Who would know me?"

~~~

I'm joining a book club. The book we're currently reading is Radical Homemakers, which I expected to resonate with me. The premise that we're better served by focusing our lives on relationships instead of materials, is a belief I espouse, even as I fall short of its goal. The idea that choices within the home are a political statement is one I absorbed in the heartbeats of my parents' house. More with Less has been a staple of my bookshelf and I hoped Radical Homemakers would slide in beside it.

It's not going to happen. There's too much about the book that frustrates me. I like the summary of the back cover. In the introduction I could imagine myself as the 20-something interviewee, wondering about embracing this lifestyle. But reading on I've decided I'm not her target demographic. And if I'm not, I don't know who is.

~~~

At a family reunion last month, I skipped Monday night dinner to visit my professor's family. I took her class in fall junior year. In winter, I babysat her daughters. They played, "let's get in the car and drive to Denmark!" My reaction? "Okay, so we're driving across the ocean now." I didn't learn until later that Denmark was a small town where they spent long weekends and summers. And I didn't realize until I studied the map that this summer's family reunion was 30 minutes from Denmark.

So Monday, I drove up a hill overlooking the water and through the woods to the house that her husband had built. After sticking my head in the house to confirm they weren't yet home, I wandered the yard admiring the garden.

The girls who exited the car had middle school manicures. Tall with braces on her teeth and a shyness of occasional visits, the oldest still raced to show me the fairy house they'd created the night before. "See how the flower is, here? That's where she lay her head. And the food is gone! The food is gone!"

We picked salad from the garden and shared family news. I told the parents about my research plans. Was updated about my professor's research and what she knew of my classmates. I asked the girls about school and camp and friends. Remembered the way I carried a string around my neck to play cat's cradle at their age. We pulled out some yarn and I taught them Jacob's Ladder. When I left, I took a multicolored loop of yarn with me in my pocket.

~~~

The book says that radical homemakers rethink the givens in society and come to seven conclusions.

1) Nobody (who matters) cares what (or if) you drive.
Okay. I can do this. I am not giving up my car anytime soon. But I'm all for walking and public transit systems.

2) It is okay to accept help from family and friends, to let go of the perceived ideal of independence and strive instead for interdependence.
Right on. Community.

3) Housing does not have to cost more than a single moderate income can afford (and can even cost less).
I like this in theory. I've also been helping friends with their fixer-upper. Based on my knowledge of their finances, I think we need to talk about what a moderate income is.

4) Child care is not a fixed cost.
Yay community?

5) Retirement is possible, regardless of income.
I'm saving.

6) Education can be acquired for free--it does not have to be bought.
Erm….Well, the government can pay for it?

7) Health can be achieved without making monthly payments to an insurance company.
Um.. What now? I'm healthy now. But I'm keeping my insurance given the likelihood of someday needing some major health care and the extreme costs of that and the way things are negotiated in this country thank you very much.

~~~

I could have gone to college for free. I mean, I didn't apply to those schools, but I had a friend at the state school who was getting paid a living stipend as an undergrad. College may not have made me money, but there were cheaper options.

I chose the expensive option.

It was absolutely the right choice for me.

I believe the  not everyone must go to college to be successful. I believe that education should be accessible to anyone. I believe that education needn't come from an institution.

But the institution served me well. It let me build relationships across generations. While at college we subdivided into different groups, out of that sphere I'm excited to run into other alumni because they have similar values.

Questioning whether a place is a good fit for you? Wondering what you will gain from the cost of your education? I can support that journey.

But only if you accept that the expensive option may be worth it.

What is leadership’s relationship to education? -- My response

In April of my first year teaching a student commented, "Remember last year when I didn't like you and wouldn't do the work?" I think it's fair to say I was a terrible classroom leader my first semester. The student who remembered not doing work had been part of a group walkout protesting my class, one of my low points as a teacher.

Looking back to diagnose what went wrong, I suspect a large part of my leadership failure was due to a clash of cultures. I set-up my classroom to make me a formal leader, but I was entering a culture that has a history of only following decisions as long as the group agreed with them. I entered with an attitude of knowing what we needed to achieve that year, but my students came from a culture that listens to everyone before taking action. The trappings of leadership that I knew were not the leadership my students recognized.

I improved as a teacher-leader.  I listened to the elders and began to internalize the values of my community. I tried to incorporate the values into my teaching. I'm not sure it can be taught, but I am proof it can be learned. My proof? The students who walked out of my class in the fall came in for extra tutoring in the spring.

Logistics fail? Or an explanation of the next post

The warning signs were there. The request was last minute (though I was never actually told the deadline). I sent a couple of questions back and the reply took longer than I was expecting.

Normally favor requests from strangers get lower priority. But the request got at something on my list. Would I be willing to write a short op-ed or two for a "Room for Debate" style feature for an undergrad online magazine? 

Extra points because the professor who recommended me is the person I've been asking about her experience with the Op Ed Project.

So I wrote a piece. Had a couple of people proofread (THANK YOU!). Submitted it.

And didn't hear back. 

Didn't see anything on the magazine's site with my name. 

Eventually found the second part of the feature. I'd submitted for the first part.

I understand if I submit to a major outlet, I might not hear back from the editor. But it's not that major. And you requested it.

I e-mailed again. Is the piece going to run? If you don't have immediate plans, I'd like to rescind my submission and publish it on my blog. 

I figure now's as good as time as any to actually publish. 

(But I'm not checking the op-ed submission box on my life list yet.)

Weekend snapshots--Booze, food, money, and love

I got the drugs and alcohol talk from my mom this weekend. She's not sure we had it when I was in high school.  Apparently, the latest is that if I have alcohol in my apartment, it's okay to not hide it when my parents visit.

~~~

After inviting a friend over for brunch, I asked list guy:

Do you want lemon poppyseed scones with omelette for breakfast or  kaiserschmarrn?
Whatever.

I started making the scones. Then realized I didn't have black poppyseeds. A cup of flour, cup of sugar, and zest from one lemon are waiting patiently. 

And I'm thankful I had the perfect number of eggs to follow the recipe of the breakfast dish that's our favorite for lazy weekend mornings.

~~~

21. Invest in stocks/mutual fund beyond the work retirement fund

After sending off my taxes for 2012, I put half my savings account toward opening a Roth IRA. I'm excited that I invested in a socially responsible mutual fund. Because I think it's important to be mindful about who I'm supporting with my money.

Some of my money is in a fund that specifically targets companies that work toward gender equality. The top companies are still banks and tech and big names you'd recognize. But it's intentionally chosen to be places where women are represented on the board and in senior management. (I'm choosing not the be disillusioned by the fact that we get excited when there are three women on a 14-member board.)

I also chose a fund that focuses on the environment. Energy efficiency and water infrastructure and technologies make up half the fund. Renewable energy is only a tiny sliver of the big picture.

Anyway. An excited check.

~~~

We went to the delicious neighborhood Purevian restaurant. Ordered a pitcher of Pisco Sour mix. Let them add from the Pisco I'd bought on the way over.

A pitcher might be more than two people should split.....Maybe. Especially if one of those people is me?

Added the liquor to my booze shelf. Hidden from my parents above the kitchen sink.* Will probably try making them at home sometime. Need to get his mom's recipe (I had it last summer). But until then, there are plenty of other cocktails to try.

~~~

I'm out of fresh fruit and was too lazy to go to the grocery store. Got my fruit and veggies fix by making my first, second, and third green smoothies.

A cup of OJ + some slices of frozen ginger + 3-5 leaves of kale.
Added chia seeds twice.
Frozen strawberries once.
Frozen blueberries another time.

Smoothies without the kale are better. But I like this for a certain I've-been-eating-too-much-fat-and-sugar mood.

~~~

After seeing the current show on our subscription to the nearest theater, we talked about various taboos. (Warning, judging other people's relationships ahead.)

Same-gender love? Totally cool with it.
Introducing your new lover to your mistress? Enh. Open-relationships seem difficult. But if everyone's on board and ya'll discuss it go for it. Summary, to break taboos you have to break taboos.
Making moves on someone twice your age? Somehow age gaps feel less remarkable in real life when I know the people. Age gaps in fiction feel creepy.
Forbidden love between cousins? Sometimes taboos are taboo for a reason. At least promise you won't get each other pregnant or anything like that.

~~~

Finally, happy shoutout to mm who was able to meet list guy AND visit my church. And got eat delicious sandwiches. Still excited you're near for now!

*It's always been there.

 Conveniently not in the way of everything else. 

I even think there was alcohol up there the last time they visited.

Mis metas

49. Learn enough Spanish to:
a) translate the spam texts I receive.
b) understand what's happening when I surf the radio.

~~~

Duolingo has finally gotten me in the habit of practicing Spanish daily.

At least it's been 3 weeks of something like this. I give myself weekend forgiveness if I'm not by an internet connection.

And, for the first time since high school, I'm honestly enjoying learning another language. They've done a great job of setting up the site like a game--pulling on the same sort of motivation that kept me going on Chip's Challenge back in middle school. I feel like I might actually be learning Spanish. (Though my favorite sixth-grade native speaker will laugh and correct my pronunciation when I tell me, "Mis zapatos son negros.") Figure it's time to set a couple of goals for the world beyond my computer.

Sesame Street is Genius

Today's lunchtime conversation wandered to the genius of Sesame Street. It's what happens when you have lunch with the parent of an almost two-year-old.

I requested a list of their favorite videos. Have now been watching for an hour. At least...



I think this is my favorite of the bunch.



Though Will.I.Am also makes me happy.


And India Arie is the two-year-old's favorite.

Hints of beginnings (aka maybe there's hope that I'll graduate after all)

On the bus, I sat to the grad student who I most frequently share an office with.* He'd been out late the night before celebrating with a friend who completed the job market process. Obviously this gets the two of us talking about our current state of "I-have-no-idea-what-next-year-is-going-to-be-like-itis."

But I'm getting an inkling that our advisor is beginning to start what I think of next year....now. (I guess it makes sense. One market ending means the next one's beginning. It's time to recruit the high school juniors to college and all.)

Other Grad Student: I wonder if he's going to have us all go out for dinner at the conference.
Me: Nah. I never see him at conferences.
OGS: He tried to organize something that one time. Of course, it didn't work out.
Me: I think I was behind that.
OGS: That sounds about right.

That afternoon got an e-mail from my advisor inviting me and a handful of his other past and present students to dinner at the conference.

Oh.

* Actually, not my officemate. Funny phrase for a reason.

I was going to write a longer post

and talk about who I hang out with at conferences

instead of my advisor.

Or, often, other people from my program.

But I finished my oatmeal and should go catch the bus again this morning.  

More thresholds

I called my favorite listmaker over lunch on Friday to tell him we were spending the weekend at his parents place.

1) Weekend at my place was canceled on account of broken boiler=no heat.
2) He needed to stop by his parents  to pick up more eyes.
3) Roads weren't looking good and the forecast was worse and I was tired enough that driving probably was a bad idea and I'd rather take the train to them than the bus to him.

On the train, I told my parents I wasn't sure if his parents knew yet that we'd be there. (By the time I got off the train, they did. Turns out they were out of town this weekend anyway. We helped ourselves to ingredients in the fridge and left them ice cream.)

Noting, it's a different level of comfort when someone says, "You can stay here anytime" and the point where you have an anytime come up and assume you can stay with them.