Thoughts across summer

A friend is on the PhD job market this year. A process I am closely watching because, y'know, that will be me next year. She definitely wants to continue the research path, but has a take it or leave it  attitude toward academia.

Until her dream job posted an open search.

It's at her undergrad college, which she loved. In a department she minored in. In the school she majored in. With a possible joint appointment to the department she majored in. In a town she would be thrilled to have a family in. It's a dream she couldn't fully imagine for herself until it became possible.

We were talking about the application process. How to write the cover letter to reveal passion without coming off like a crazy person. How the chair of the search committee received a PhD from the program my friend is graduating from. Her adviser used that connection to e-mail the chair, asking when the committee was scheduled to meet. Helpful information for knowing how soon you have to get your application in the pile. Also, helpful to have the chair looking for your application.

"What about your college professors?" I ask. "Have you talked to any of them to get a sense of what the department's like from the faculty side?"

She laughed me off, "It's been 14 years since I graduated. Who would know me?"

~~~

I'm joining a book club. The book we're currently reading is Radical Homemakers, which I expected to resonate with me. The premise that we're better served by focusing our lives on relationships instead of materials, is a belief I espouse, even as I fall short of its goal. The idea that choices within the home are a political statement is one I absorbed in the heartbeats of my parents' house. More with Less has been a staple of my bookshelf and I hoped Radical Homemakers would slide in beside it.

It's not going to happen. There's too much about the book that frustrates me. I like the summary of the back cover. In the introduction I could imagine myself as the 20-something interviewee, wondering about embracing this lifestyle. But reading on I've decided I'm not her target demographic. And if I'm not, I don't know who is.

~~~

At a family reunion last month, I skipped Monday night dinner to visit my professor's family. I took her class in fall junior year. In winter, I babysat her daughters. They played, "let's get in the car and drive to Denmark!" My reaction? "Okay, so we're driving across the ocean now." I didn't learn until later that Denmark was a small town where they spent long weekends and summers. And I didn't realize until I studied the map that this summer's family reunion was 30 minutes from Denmark.

So Monday, I drove up a hill overlooking the water and through the woods to the house that her husband had built. After sticking my head in the house to confirm they weren't yet home, I wandered the yard admiring the garden.

The girls who exited the car had middle school manicures. Tall with braces on her teeth and a shyness of occasional visits, the oldest still raced to show me the fairy house they'd created the night before. "See how the flower is, here? That's where she lay her head. And the food is gone! The food is gone!"

We picked salad from the garden and shared family news. I told the parents about my research plans. Was updated about my professor's research and what she knew of my classmates. I asked the girls about school and camp and friends. Remembered the way I carried a string around my neck to play cat's cradle at their age. We pulled out some yarn and I taught them Jacob's Ladder. When I left, I took a multicolored loop of yarn with me in my pocket.

~~~

The book says that radical homemakers rethink the givens in society and come to seven conclusions.

1) Nobody (who matters) cares what (or if) you drive.
Okay. I can do this. I am not giving up my car anytime soon. But I'm all for walking and public transit systems.

2) It is okay to accept help from family and friends, to let go of the perceived ideal of independence and strive instead for interdependence.
Right on. Community.

3) Housing does not have to cost more than a single moderate income can afford (and can even cost less).
I like this in theory. I've also been helping friends with their fixer-upper. Based on my knowledge of their finances, I think we need to talk about what a moderate income is.

4) Child care is not a fixed cost.
Yay community?

5) Retirement is possible, regardless of income.
I'm saving.

6) Education can be acquired for free--it does not have to be bought.
Erm….Well, the government can pay for it?

7) Health can be achieved without making monthly payments to an insurance company.
Um.. What now? I'm healthy now. But I'm keeping my insurance given the likelihood of someday needing some major health care and the extreme costs of that and the way things are negotiated in this country thank you very much.

~~~

I could have gone to college for free. I mean, I didn't apply to those schools, but I had a friend at the state school who was getting paid a living stipend as an undergrad. College may not have made me money, but there were cheaper options.

I chose the expensive option.

It was absolutely the right choice for me.

I believe the  not everyone must go to college to be successful. I believe that education should be accessible to anyone. I believe that education needn't come from an institution.

But the institution served me well. It let me build relationships across generations. While at college we subdivided into different groups, out of that sphere I'm excited to run into other alumni because they have similar values.

Questioning whether a place is a good fit for you? Wondering what you will gain from the cost of your education? I can support that journey.

But only if you accept that the expensive option may be worth it.