Weekend snapshots--Booze, food, money, and love

I got the drugs and alcohol talk from my mom this weekend. She's not sure we had it when I was in high school.  Apparently, the latest is that if I have alcohol in my apartment, it's okay to not hide it when my parents visit.

~~~

After inviting a friend over for brunch, I asked list guy:

Do you want lemon poppyseed scones with omelette for breakfast or  kaiserschmarrn?
Whatever.

I started making the scones. Then realized I didn't have black poppyseeds. A cup of flour, cup of sugar, and zest from one lemon are waiting patiently. 

And I'm thankful I had the perfect number of eggs to follow the recipe of the breakfast dish that's our favorite for lazy weekend mornings.

~~~

21. Invest in stocks/mutual fund beyond the work retirement fund

After sending off my taxes for 2012, I put half my savings account toward opening a Roth IRA. I'm excited that I invested in a socially responsible mutual fund. Because I think it's important to be mindful about who I'm supporting with my money.

Some of my money is in a fund that specifically targets companies that work toward gender equality. The top companies are still banks and tech and big names you'd recognize. But it's intentionally chosen to be places where women are represented on the board and in senior management. (I'm choosing not the be disillusioned by the fact that we get excited when there are three women on a 14-member board.)

I also chose a fund that focuses on the environment. Energy efficiency and water infrastructure and technologies make up half the fund. Renewable energy is only a tiny sliver of the big picture.

Anyway. An excited check.

~~~

We went to the delicious neighborhood Purevian restaurant. Ordered a pitcher of Pisco Sour mix. Let them add from the Pisco I'd bought on the way over.

A pitcher might be more than two people should split.....Maybe. Especially if one of those people is me?

Added the liquor to my booze shelf. Hidden from my parents above the kitchen sink.* Will probably try making them at home sometime. Need to get his mom's recipe (I had it last summer). But until then, there are plenty of other cocktails to try.

~~~

I'm out of fresh fruit and was too lazy to go to the grocery store. Got my fruit and veggies fix by making my first, second, and third green smoothies.

A cup of OJ + some slices of frozen ginger + 3-5 leaves of kale.
Added chia seeds twice.
Frozen strawberries once.
Frozen blueberries another time.

Smoothies without the kale are better. But I like this for a certain I've-been-eating-too-much-fat-and-sugar mood.

~~~

After seeing the current show on our subscription to the nearest theater, we talked about various taboos. (Warning, judging other people's relationships ahead.)

Same-gender love? Totally cool with it.
Introducing your new lover to your mistress? Enh. Open-relationships seem difficult. But if everyone's on board and ya'll discuss it go for it. Summary, to break taboos you have to break taboos.
Making moves on someone twice your age? Somehow age gaps feel less remarkable in real life when I know the people. Age gaps in fiction feel creepy.
Forbidden love between cousins? Sometimes taboos are taboo for a reason. At least promise you won't get each other pregnant or anything like that.

~~~

Finally, happy shoutout to mm who was able to meet list guy AND visit my church. And got eat delicious sandwiches. Still excited you're near for now!

*It's always been there.

 Conveniently not in the way of everything else. 

I even think there was alcohol up there the last time they visited.

Highlight of being sick while living alone

Registering that List Guy had said his half of the good night litany and hung up the phone. Realizing that I didn't have a clue how long I'd been asleep. Guess I'll find out when we compare how far he read with how much I remember.

Lest I remember my success and forget my frustrations

The last time I went sailing ended with tears.

We'd meant to go the day before, but a late bus threw off the rhythm of the day and we opted for lazy reading instead. But the morning was beautiful, so we skipped church and headed to the water.

I'd never rigged the boat without my usual partner before. It was so much slower without her splitting the tasks. But I'm not at the point of being able to tell others what to do. So with List Guy stood around feeling useless I pulled sheets, threaded sails, and tied knots.

We finally got out to the water. Hoorah. But getting into the boat with someone who doesn't know how to do things, also, harder. We were deep enough that I had trouble jumping in. He couldn't steer the boat in the meantime and it kept moving.

I finally got in. And we got stuck in the sandbar.

I got rescued by the staff. At least it was my favorite guy there. Embarrassed I followed his directions to start again.

And again, I couldn't get into the boat.

If we had the time, I would have worked it out. But I knew it would still be slow going when I got in. And there was an afternoon bus to get the Guy to. Bags to pick up on the way. Preferably eating some lunch too.

So I called it. Tears of giving up when I knew I could get it, should have done it already. Disappointment in myself. Still embarrassed by my mistakes. And maybe, still a bit sleep-funked from two nights before.

We went back to shore. Derigged the boat. He's promised it won't be our last time. The club near him is cheaper. He has friends who are members. We'll see.

Second Opinions

"Are you keeping secrets from her?"

Middle schoolers are my favorite for giving a second opinions on your relationship. Or at least, they do a bang-up job of checking out your partner.

"Will you stay by her side?"

When I was back for graduation, my friend showed me a video of her middle school students interviewing her fiance. They bounce back and forth between "What are your intentions?" and "What is her favorite color?" Both important questions when you think about it.

"Will you buy her anything she wants?"

So when I realized List Guy was going to meet one of my best friends while she had two middle schoolers living with her, I asked them to check him out for me. My friend looked over their list first and apparently vetoed some questions that were too straight-from-a-tv-wedding-ceremony. Though, they were still awfully concerned about my material well being.

"Do have a house, a car, and money?"

 A lot of the questions have obvious "right" answers. But they're still the questions that people want the answers to. We're just "too polite" to actually ask them.

"What do you like about her?"

Or at least to ask them of our friend's new partner. We ask our friend what they like about the new person in their life. Much less likely to ask the new partner.

"What are you good at?"

The friend who introduced me to the middle-school second opinion system let her kids be on their own with her partner.  She got the video tape in the end.

"What would you change about him?" "If you changed all of him, what would you change back?"


We didn't have a proper camera. Nor did we really have another place for me to go in my friend's apartment building, so I was sitting beside List Guy for his interview. It was one of the most adorable feeling moments we've had together.


"Do you smoke or drink?"


I hope we didn't make my friend gag. Maybe that's the other reason these the middle schoolers are better at these interviews. We like a bit of other people's romance in the movies. Too much from our friends quickly gets to be Too Much. Middle school is more of a time of watching others' relationships in books and movies and real-life as you dreaming what your future relationships will be.


"Do you trust her?"

And really, only an interview by middle-schoolers can end with an on-demand  talent show to prove that you didn't lie earlier.

Postsecret

Question:

Answer:
Yes.  They may not announce it to the church. They may not even tell it to the one(s) they love. But yes.

I'm sure the loved's response varies based on the situation. I am grateful that (atheist) list boy comes to church with me. The people that know him are humored by it. The people I've told at church are initially confused by it and then supportive.

I'm not trying to convert him. I am trying to share a part of myself that is foreign to him. He started coming to church with me without my asking him to. He invited me to the worship he attended as a child, despite obviously not attending anymore. It reassures me that while we have deep religious differences, he can be open to mine. If anything, I need to learn how to be open to his.

Not sure how our parents will handle all this.

I haven't mentioned it to mine.

Can't really tell what his father knows.

I'm trusting everyone to trust us. 

Rites of Passage

I've been spotted around his neighborhood. Ran into matchmaker's father two weekends ago. I worried that I was hungry and tired and coming down with a cold, but was assured, "The whole neighborhood is pleased with your visits to his parents house."

His parents pulled out the baby pictures last weekend. Diapered-butt on full display as he hung on to the crib and stared out the widow.

My parents got to see a picture of the two of us together. Dressed for church and cooking breakfast. (Thank you Aunt who stalks Facebook.)

I've heard some of his family stories often enough that I could probably tell them. Might get some details wrong, but could probably catch the spirit. (It's funny which stories get evoked most often. I hear more about his sister than I do about him.)


We're planning our first trips together. Reunion for me. Cabin weekend with the matchmakers. I'm curious about what stories we'll add to our repertoire.

Five Weeks

Five weeks ago I added this to the list:

30. Skating around a city ice rink holding hands with a boy

Maybe not “my boy” but it felt adorable just the same. The night before I left the county, I took some friends up on their ice skating invite. It's one of the parts of living in a Northern city that I feel like people talk about wanting to do, more than actually doing. I'm glad I did it.

Three weeks and a couple of days ago I bought a pair of ice skates. Renting them costs $6-$10 dollars a time. Good skates from a good store cost about $80. I have at least three winters left in a city with free rinks. The math seemed favorable.

The next day I went on a first date. We went ice skating.

We have been ice skating every weekend since. Yesterday was our first time at my city's most visible rink. Skating around a city ice rink holding hands with the guy I'm dating and feeling pretty adorable. Check!

Warm Fuzzies

“What are we doing here?” he asked.
Whamamambaaaaaeerrmmmmm.
“Playing along.”
He looked at me. Thought a second. And then he went for the kiss.

~~~

A mutual best friend played matchmaker. Without actually giving us much to go on. So two dates in, he was wondering if I was out of his league. I was wondering if I was nerdy enough for his league. We were both wondering if we actually liked the other person.

Two days later, after an hour of chatting online, he sent the message “why are you here?”

You know me, I started making a list.

1) because we've managed to actually have conversation for hours and hours
2) you used my line on me without knowing that you did

I made it to 10 that night.

~~~

The next morning I had another 5, so I sent them. Ten more by that evening. It’s continued the exponential growth* this week. But that’s not sustainable, so I’m restricting myself to a linear pattern in the e-mails.

~~~

Of course, one of the reasons I’m continuing this is because he started making a list too. I see a new e-mail, get all happy smiley, and then I get to read the list. And reread the list. And then, an hour later reread all of both of our lists.

The warm fuzzies bubble up. Some points are recognized, “Oh, that’s me. You get that.” Some are more of the vein, “Huh. Guess I do that, don’t I?” Some make me feel adorable. Some resonate, “A fellow nerd!” Some plain-out make me feel special.

~~~

A week ago, the jury was out on whether I liked him. By number 40 on the list, I think the answer was obvious. And when we both reach 100 reasons for being here, I think I'll stop playing along and start dating the guy.

*I was corrected. Quadratic.

Gossip and Relationships and This post goes on and on for ages just like this title

Last weekend, I had a conversation with H. about how I like talking through other people's gossip because I don't generate my own. It's not my style so much. Three days later, I'd scheduled a date with a guy from OkCupid, who was not the guy that I have a budding interest in at dance, nor the guy from the other dance place who I was seriously flirting with. Yeah. If you've seen me in the past week, there's a decent chance you've heard something about this. But most of you who read this, don't see me. So a follow-up to the gossip you're not hearing.

~~~

The OkCupid date was scheduled for last night. Brief summary:

Oh my God, are you there? I've been messaging you for 4 hours, but I have a feeling my "smart" phone is not quite smart enough for OK Cupid. Anyway, I am in the hospital. Please, please call me. (Phone number redacted.)

Yeah. I was stood up. And sure, hospital. Could easily be something major and nasty and bad. And if I was really feeling the messages we'd exchanged, it's possible I'd find a way to reschedule. But I'm not.

And by the time I made my way back home last night, I wasn't even feeling generous enough to click over to the site and read the entirety of his message. Finally did this morning. (Which is when I saw the hospital line.) Felt like I should at least acknowledge the message, but, again, with the not feeling generous enough for another chance.

Yeah, I was there. Well, not by the time you sent this. After an hour I bid farewell to the guys working the front desk, called some friends, and made other plans for the evening. (And I'll admit, I'm partly to blame for not calling you. I have a rule against giving phone number to guys I don't know. Only took one sketchy experience to make me enforce it. Blame Chris.)

So yeah, your smart phone and OkCupid definitely failed. Hope whatever situation took you to the hospital turns better soon. Ideally that everyone is healthy and normal again. But it sounds like this isn't the time for either of us.

~~~

Writing that I realized it was true. I'm not into the online dating thing. So I disabled my account. In the spirit of thinking it may be an issue of timing, I didn't delete. Just turned it off for the time being.

When you leave the site, they ask why. Lots of checkbox options. And then there's a text box for any other comments or suggestions. I took that to mean, "therapy time!"

Warning, this is way more of a debrief than the size of the textbox indicates that you're looking for. I'm ended up using it as one last time to process what the OkCupid experience meant for me.

Real reason that I'm leaving has more to do with why I signed up in the first place. My friend kept telling me that I should try online dating, so I let him set me up with an account. But he's deactiviated his account (again), so he can't give me a hard time for shutting mine down. :)

I love reading the OkTrends blog and am a little sad to not be actively contributing data anymore. But it's not like I was doing much to contribute data anyway.

Personality-wise I never connected with the online dating experience. I like tweaking my profile and people-watching other people's profiles. But I haven't really felt the desire to talk to people here. I've been terrible about replying to messages. I'm bad enough at responding to people I know, people I don't know don't get prioritized and then, ironically, I don't get to know them. (Maybe I'd be better if I could read the whole message in my e-mail account, sometimes the click stopped me, but I get that you need clicks on the site for advertising.)

Okay, that's more than enough for now. Thanks for the experience. It was fun and helped me learn about myself. Who knows, maybe I'll even come back in the future.

~~~

I did like tweaking my profile. Considering how I present myself to strangers. It's a fun exercise. Saving the main parts of my "about me" section, because I like them.

I wake up to NPR. Read XKCD over my oatmeal or yogurt. There is always a book by my bed to read before I go to sleep.

I am easily entertained, but carry a book and my knitting.

I believe in stories. The stories we tell ourselves and the ones we tell each other.

I believe in making decisions after hearing all sorts of arguments for and against. During my first year teaching, there were times where my biggest motivation was knowing if I'd gone back a year, I wouldn't be able to talk myself out of committing to teaching.

I don't realize how much a place has become home until after I've moved. I wasn't Southern until I left the South. I didn't fully value the ruralness of the plains until I moved to the city. I'm still figuring out how I feel about the city; trying to accept that there are years before I settle on my opinion.

And, I only Twitter with math teachers.

~~~

So instead of a date last night, I came home and did laundry. (I said I made alternate plans. I didn't say what they were.)

And then I got hooked on a wedding blog. (I knoooow.) Suffice to say that I felt like the blog did a good job of capturing a lot of the ways I think about relationships, partly because it allows a place for community for people with a wide variety of perspectives on relationships.

And with that, I'm including links to the two posts that made me squeal with excitement to see some of my thoughts expressed by other people.