Gossip and Relationships and This post goes on and on for ages just like this title

Last weekend, I had a conversation with H. about how I like talking through other people's gossip because I don't generate my own. It's not my style so much. Three days later, I'd scheduled a date with a guy from OkCupid, who was not the guy that I have a budding interest in at dance, nor the guy from the other dance place who I was seriously flirting with. Yeah. If you've seen me in the past week, there's a decent chance you've heard something about this. But most of you who read this, don't see me. So a follow-up to the gossip you're not hearing.

~~~

The OkCupid date was scheduled for last night. Brief summary:

Oh my God, are you there? I've been messaging you for 4 hours, but I have a feeling my "smart" phone is not quite smart enough for OK Cupid. Anyway, I am in the hospital. Please, please call me. (Phone number redacted.)

Yeah. I was stood up. And sure, hospital. Could easily be something major and nasty and bad. And if I was really feeling the messages we'd exchanged, it's possible I'd find a way to reschedule. But I'm not.

And by the time I made my way back home last night, I wasn't even feeling generous enough to click over to the site and read the entirety of his message. Finally did this morning. (Which is when I saw the hospital line.) Felt like I should at least acknowledge the message, but, again, with the not feeling generous enough for another chance.

Yeah, I was there. Well, not by the time you sent this. After an hour I bid farewell to the guys working the front desk, called some friends, and made other plans for the evening. (And I'll admit, I'm partly to blame for not calling you. I have a rule against giving phone number to guys I don't know. Only took one sketchy experience to make me enforce it. Blame Chris.)

So yeah, your smart phone and OkCupid definitely failed. Hope whatever situation took you to the hospital turns better soon. Ideally that everyone is healthy and normal again. But it sounds like this isn't the time for either of us.

~~~

Writing that I realized it was true. I'm not into the online dating thing. So I disabled my account. In the spirit of thinking it may be an issue of timing, I didn't delete. Just turned it off for the time being.

When you leave the site, they ask why. Lots of checkbox options. And then there's a text box for any other comments or suggestions. I took that to mean, "therapy time!"

Warning, this is way more of a debrief than the size of the textbox indicates that you're looking for. I'm ended up using it as one last time to process what the OkCupid experience meant for me.

Real reason that I'm leaving has more to do with why I signed up in the first place. My friend kept telling me that I should try online dating, so I let him set me up with an account. But he's deactiviated his account (again), so he can't give me a hard time for shutting mine down. :)

I love reading the OkTrends blog and am a little sad to not be actively contributing data anymore. But it's not like I was doing much to contribute data anyway.

Personality-wise I never connected with the online dating experience. I like tweaking my profile and people-watching other people's profiles. But I haven't really felt the desire to talk to people here. I've been terrible about replying to messages. I'm bad enough at responding to people I know, people I don't know don't get prioritized and then, ironically, I don't get to know them. (Maybe I'd be better if I could read the whole message in my e-mail account, sometimes the click stopped me, but I get that you need clicks on the site for advertising.)

Okay, that's more than enough for now. Thanks for the experience. It was fun and helped me learn about myself. Who knows, maybe I'll even come back in the future.

~~~

I did like tweaking my profile. Considering how I present myself to strangers. It's a fun exercise. Saving the main parts of my "about me" section, because I like them.

I wake up to NPR. Read XKCD over my oatmeal or yogurt. There is always a book by my bed to read before I go to sleep.

I am easily entertained, but carry a book and my knitting.

I believe in stories. The stories we tell ourselves and the ones we tell each other.

I believe in making decisions after hearing all sorts of arguments for and against. During my first year teaching, there were times where my biggest motivation was knowing if I'd gone back a year, I wouldn't be able to talk myself out of committing to teaching.

I don't realize how much a place has become home until after I've moved. I wasn't Southern until I left the South. I didn't fully value the ruralness of the plains until I moved to the city. I'm still figuring out how I feel about the city; trying to accept that there are years before I settle on my opinion.

And, I only Twitter with math teachers.

~~~

So instead of a date last night, I came home and did laundry. (I said I made alternate plans. I didn't say what they were.)

And then I got hooked on a wedding blog. (I knoooow.) Suffice to say that I felt like the blog did a good job of capturing a lot of the ways I think about relationships, partly because it allows a place for community for people with a wide variety of perspectives on relationships.

And with that, I'm including links to the two posts that made me squeal with excitement to see some of my thoughts expressed by other people.

Do I know you? The game

After church I'm approached by a woman about my age. Not surprising, I just joined and people were told to greet us.

You look familar.

A quick glance. Y'know, maybe.

So do you.

And like that the game is begun.

~~~

Begin by listing affiliations. The last place I worked. My college. Nope. Not that.

She went to grad school at the place where I'm at now. Graduated in 2009 with a degree in chemical engineering.

Were you involved with the graduate women's group?
Yes!

Ah ha! We found it. But no. Wait. You graduated in 2009. I started in 2009. That couldn't be it.

And then I figure it out.

~~~

Megan? You're Sara's friend! You went to that church!*

Fifteen months ago, I visited her church. It was my first time attending there. Possibly her last. Four of us went out for brunch after the service--two old, two new. We friended each other on Facebook, but that was all. She was moving out of the life that I was entering.

~~~

There's a neat parallel to her greeting me after I joined today. A validation that it's okay for me to not be joining the church where she originally greeted me.

~~~

I've invited her to our Sunday School class. Who knows, maybe we'll end up real life friends yet.


*Names changed. As always. Initials just lost too much of the feel here.

And thus she joins the unknown guy from college who I ran into in DC
and the illustrator who I met at an arts festival and then saw at church
in the list of people with whom I have successfully won the game

Awe of the everyday

Logged into Twitter and had this message.

High point of the day: finding your cd in the mailbox! Thanks a million! Looking forward to listening to it, a lot.

Made me smile. I started writing back and soon realized my message was too long for Twitter.

I'm always amazed at how the postal service works. You're the second international cd that I know made it this year. For the first one, I started humming (and here I quote my e-mail to another friend).

Glad it made it over the seas and through the city to Someone's* house it goes. The post knows the way to carry the cd through snow and rain and heat...

Umm... I'll stop singing now.

But really. Within a couple of days of me going to the post office, friends in Minnesota and New York were telling me they'd received them. Another week and we're adding Norway and Hong Kong. I know it's everyday, but in some ways I've gotten so used to the exchange of digital information that the movement of physical objects is crazy cool.

All a super-long-winded way of saying, thanks for letting me know the cd made it.

Note to self for next year when I'm wondering about the hours of getting the mailing together. This is why.

This winter is lasting forever, at least for tonight

Inspired by Brady's Project Enjoy Winter post. (Even though I'm not as blah-winter as she is yet, I am feeling the hazy shade of winter without enough outdoor activities.) This started as a comment for her, but quickly grew annoyed with the Tumblr comment box not letting me see what all I was typing. Guess they want short and sweet. Not me

First, direct response to her post:

• I need to do more candle lighting.
• More light reading.
• Less tv unless I'm actually knitting (which I should do more of).
• I have tea in my office, but should get some top-notch water-based instant hot chocolate there too.

Now then, some other ideas:

• Cook more soup (my pot's heating up right now).
  
• Bake more bread (I'm currently nibbling last night's loaf).
• Eat lots of citrus. It's in season! Makes me happy.
  
• Sit in the chair by the window instead of the sofa far away.
• Curl up in flannel and fleece.
• Pull out the crazy middle school nail polish for a pedicure that no one else will see.
• Do city stuff, inside. Museums. Plays. Concerts.
  
• Sew. I have a half dozen projects written on my mirror to do. Try them!
• Make sure I get out of my apartment and spend time with friends. Every weekend. And at least a few of times during the week. Don't allow myself to become a total hermit. (I think I've been good about this so far, but have to keep it up.)
• Go ice skating. I'm not convinced that I'll make skiing happen, but I should learn to ice skate.

iTunes is on random for my awesome playlist.
Kid you not, started this post with Hazy Shade of Winter
Snowbirds and Townies is playing as I type the end.

Checking unlisted items

27. (Is that the right number) Learn to dance lead.
28. Dance in heels.

Both could use a LOT more practice. But both were decently accomplished tonight. Might note that I learned to dance lead IN heels. And that I was the only person in the class wearing a skirt. And that I'm now exhausted and heading to bed.

Come follow follow follow

In some photo album buried in my parents attic, there are memories of learning to dance with B. They're a lil'bit embarassing to look at. More fun is playing some music and tapping my feet.

Tri-ple step. Tri-ple step. Back Step.
Over kick. Back-side-step. Brush-step, brush-step. Front-and-back-and-front-and-back. Brush-step, brush-step. Kick step. Back Step.
Tri-ple step...

It was always a fight to find a dance partner. Not a violent one. Just that there were more girls than guys. You rotate and all in the camp lessons, but who are you going to dance with? And when all the guys are taken, do you stand on the side, dance by yourself, of grab a girlfriend for the floor?

~~~

When I took dance lessons again in college, I realized I was back-leading too much. In an effort to be a good follow, I stopped trying to learn the lead. I figured if I didn't know it, I wouldn't try to do it. Other women learning to lead is great. More power to them. But not me. I've got to focus on being a follow.

It's seemed to work so far.

~~~

So I've started swing dancing again. As usual there's a gender balance issue. Only now there's usually more guys. I see guys dancing together, which feels like it's breaking a social taboo.

I kind of love it.

Here's the funny part though. Since the guys are learning to follow, I'm now getting requests to lead. From guys who I've danced with before. Who I like dancing with.

So it's time. Get over my fear. I'm a better follow now than I was first year of college. If I keep telling myself that, maybe, I can get over my fear and learn to lead

A Blessing of Sorts

May your hands be strong and willing
May you know when to speak and to listen
May you find every friend that you're missing

~~~

Again, love NPR music for introducing me to new songs from old favorites. And the feeling of fascination with a new song. It's too early to tell yet whether I'll listen this to oblivion or just a dozen times. But for now, I'm trying to figure out how to go back and forth on the video around the 13 minute mark so I can listen for a second time.

~~~

May you lose what you offer gladly
May you worship the time and it's passing
Stars won't ever wait for you to watch them fall.

Lyrics from Iron and Wine
Biting Your Tail

Post Office Tomorrow!

I declare success on this year's annual mailing.


And last year's too. Some of these envelopes have two year's worth of content.

~~~

2 boxes
5 international
27 stateside
2 to friends who I only know online
So far a half dozen hand delivered, should be some more of those I guess, but that will probably happen unlike the second round of mailings.

~~~

It's a fun exercise, looking back at the year and figuring out what to share. Especially given the range of people these go to. People who were some of my closest friends, but I barely talk to anymore. The former housemate who I still chat with a couple of times a week. The friends who I'm surprised at how much we visit and how connected I feel to them despite the distance.

It is a way to reestablish connections. There are people who I'm Facebook friends with, but have no idea what's going on in their lives. I e-mail to get their current mailing address and, more often than not, we end up setting up a phone date.

Or I think of people who I haven't talked to in years and find them. I might have had a vague idea A. was in Africa, but I certainly didn't know she was married. I'm not even sure I knew she was dating anyone.

It's an investment of time. But one well worth it.

International letters in the pile on the left,
states on the right