trying to think of the good

First the bahness (sometimes just little things that I feel like I should take care of when I get the time):

• The dishes are piling up in the sink.
• My no-longer housemate's dad called two days ago. The battery on the phone was dead because she'd left it in her room. We listened as he left the message. The machine's still blinking. For some reason the number and the play button's blinks are out of synch.
• I should empty the trash from my room.
• At some point I need to get to the BIG town to recycle and have car insurance office see that I have a car.
• There are papers covering my desk at school in a variety of piles I don't want to think about.
• Good problems for worksheets are harder to come up with than you'd think.
• And worksheets are boring. Maybe I'll get it together enough to come up with some sort of game activity by Friday...of next week. Or next month.

Ah well.

Good things:

• The counselor/adviser who's class is on one side of me and office is on the other--she's there for hugs whenever I need them. And medicine. And prayers. And a listening ear.
• Seeing friends and actually getting to socialize at class.
• Borrowing books from other people (note again, not the library, it hasn't moved to the new school yet).
• Stress foods in the form of fruit. (Watching my grocery shopping spree last Saturday, when I was hungry and stressed, was amusing. 15 pounds of flour. I had to get three types.)
• Listening to NPR when I have an internet connection and Taize podcasts when I don't.

and then there were two....

I'm still here.

And really, things have been going okay so far. I mean, yeah, the school is a total organizational NIGHTMARE (someday it'd be really nice to have a roster of who is supposed to be in my class. And not have student's schedules changed over and over and over).
Yeah, I feel really bad for my second period class (first is prep) because I get so much better when I know what they didn't get.
Yeah, it's frustrating not having a sense of where students are or what I can do to reach them (and that applies to the physical, educational, emotional....)

But I can tell that I've already taught them stuff. (Or maybe just reminded them of what they knew. But I promise you, it'd been long forgotten.)
And I had a student tell me that I make him laugh. (I think it was a good thing).
And I haven't really had behavior problems. (Sure there's the ones who don't want to work. But we'll see how I can get through to them. Day by day. If they come. Or I find out who is supposed to be in my class.) The custodian told me that my room is always clean, but he does it anyway. I think this is a good sign.
And my kids are actually following the procedure to come in and get started on their math journals. Grumbling, but doing it. I feel like things are getting done.

All in all, I'm happier than I expected/feared. Feeling good at this point. Knowing more bad will come. But still confident that I can handle it.

But losing another housemate is hard. Apparently I'm not good at the tough love thing. Want too much to understand what's going on. Wanting to support decision to leave if that's what's necessary. Knowing that I can't be in someone else's head. Wishing things were different. Not sure how my support network will change.

day 1.1

Labeled thus, because while today was the first day with students in the school, I'm not sure it gets to count as the first day. We don't have class schedules figured out yet. It's kinda crazy. Still, I feel bamboozled, so it's off to bed.

hopefully tomorrow will be better

Officially figured out that the reason MY computer's not working right now is because the power cord died. I'm on a rigged up school computer for now. Hope I can get a good computer (either of my own or from the school) soon. But we'll see. Really want to wait until the new mac os comes out. Maybe I'll break down and buy a new computer cord.

Have realized, yet again, how much Firefox changed my internet habits. I know other browsers now have tabbed browsing, but the IE running on this machine didn't. I couldn't handle it. New windows are too space consuming. Tabs are just pretty.

Moving goes slowly. So much of it seems to be fend for yourself. On the other hand, it has provided a good way to get to know other people. Checking in on how everyone's room is going. How are you holding up? Doing all right? Do you need help getting that through the door? Carrying that? Balancing that on your head as you push the cart? And, after my years as a camp counselor, are you getting enough water? Don't get dehydrated! That's it, next water fountain we pass, you're drinking some more. (Yes, I actually said that. We both got water, too.)

In return, if getting offers for help is any sign of how I'm fitting in here, I feel pretty good. I keep being told of new places where to find more math stuff (not sure books is always appropriate; textbooks, workbooks, manipulatives, some brandnew, some older than I am, some both). People ask if I need a different cart. (I finally gave the one I'd claimed up after cleaning out a room and a modular. I'm not sure what else is left for me to uncover.) When I decided to lay claim to a couple of abandoned 3 ring binders, one teacher pointed me to a BUNCH of others (which becomes a whole other story), and a half-dozen people helped me empty them of old papers. (Which all went in the trash, breaking my recyclable heart, but, you do what you can.) So there's definitely some feeling of goodness in this. Hopefully I can keep seeing that.

more moving

We finally got to start taking stuff over to the new school on Friday. I had the pleasure of packing up things, carrying them over, and then trying to begin to unpack them. (The old math teacher hadn't packed up his stuff at the end of the year. Gee thanks.)

Meanwhile, the new books that the school's been talking about all summer (aka the past three weeks of inservice) aren't to be found. The school's curriculum coordinator was telling my department head that we needed to get our act together so we could order more books this week. Not that either of us have the time to reserach textbooks. Or the background to evaluate them (yet). Further, the old books don't look that bad. And I'm not sure we're going to be sending books home with students. So, does it matter if I teach out of ancient books? Or not ancient, but old because they've been abused books. Or new books. *shrug*

AND...not sure what's going to happen with the supplies I requested. Thankfully, we found some boxes that the old teacher had ordered with some of the things I need. Still, it'll be nice to see what there actually is.

But the reality that I'm going to be a teacher is kicking in. Again. And again.