Anxieties

Going to job talks makes me nervous.

Specifically watching people give a job talk for a junior faculty position gets my sympathetic stress hormones pumping.

Especially when they bomb it.

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I'm so afraid that I'll be that person. Standing in front of a room of impressive strangers. Not understanding what their questions are.

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Sometimes I wonder when people realize that this isn't just going "not so well." It must be sometime in the Q&A. When the same question is asked for a third or fourth time, you have to know that it's all gone wrong. And by then you're so frazzled you can't answer the softball questions people are trying to give you.

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It's depressing how memorable the BAD talks are. I don't really remember the details of the Q&A for any of the faculty that have been hired while I've been here (and I went to all of their job talks).

But the bombers, I remember. There was the one who didn't know how one of their key variables was coded. Someone else who couldn't summarize their hypothesis. Today's struggled with the casual inference question. It was painful to watch.

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It's not like we expect them to fail. They're coming from the elite schools. With big name advisers. My adviser told us this afternoon, "And you haven't seen the letters of recommendation on this one."

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I have to believe that I won't do that.

That my committee will actually read my work and makes me think through a lot of hard questions before my job talk.

That coming from an interdisciplinary background I will have heard questions from all sorts of angles. I'll be prepared for them. And hopefully better able to think about the curveballs.

That I will find that balance between owning your work and acknowledging the shortcomings.

That I will remember key phrases. "Wow. That's a really interesting way of looking at the issue. That's a valuable insight. I don't know much about that area, but know that it is your area of expertise. Perhaps we can talk and think about some ways to collaborate?"

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I still feel a long ways away from the job talk. I should be stressing about my finals for the term instead of my finals for grad school life. At this point, the job talk is a low grade, back of the mind under piles of other projects worry, dug out when I listen to other people. Another month until this search is over and then I'll bury it again.

Links for Female Friends

I was about to send these links to Brady because they're the feminist type empowering get your act together variety that we love. Then I realized I should blog so everyone knows about them. So some awesome sounding projects I've heard about recently.

The OpEd Project -- Major newspapers accept opeds from women at the same rate as men. But we don't submit them, so we lose in the byline category. And if we're not representing our views, no wonder they're not being expressed. My updated life check list should include submitting an oped (and getting one published? While still being kosher about wanting to get tenure someday? And only being a grad student now? Stop doubting, self, start pushing.)

She Should Run -- OpEd project:news venues :: She Should Run:Public Leadership positions. Both about helping women overcome the barriers that (still) exist to being part of the public voice. Updated life check list also includes asking a woman to run for office.

Reclaiming Words

Some words that I want to reclaim or whatever the lingo is.

Miss -- My art teacher got married when I was in second grade. I remember her teaching us the difference between Miss, Mrs., and Ms. (4 letters: I am not married. 3 letters: I am married. 2 letters: Who knows?) The poor dear. I could write them all, but they all got pronounced the same way. Miss. I love the sound of it and still can’t wrap my tongue around Mzzzzz. So for the sake of being everyone the same, I’m proud to be Miss Me, no matter which way I spell it. (Often Ms.)

Lady/Ladies -- I didn’t realize there were issues with this one until the discussion here. I use it all the time. It’s my word for groups of women instead of saying, “hey guys,” it’s “hello ladies.”

Feminist -- I’m so confused by the unpopularity of the word feminist. I have always been a feminist. I hope I always will be.

From a random computer by the "genius bar"

Dear Apple Store Employee,

I get that when I'm late for my appointment you have to cancel. But be friendlier about it when I show up 10 minutes late, wet from rain, obviously with computer issues (and probably stressed out over them). I've been a loyal customer for years, but any experience could be the reason I stop.

xoxo,

Me