Doubt Comes In

Yesterday was one of those days where I fear I'm inadequate.

Yesterday, it was the school fears. I'm not a good enough writer. (At least not academically.) I don't think analytically enough. I don't know enough background about my research area. I can't even define my question. Is grad school where I should be? Maybe I'm better off finding a teaching job again. I'm pretty good at TAing.



This morning I woke up to my annual review feedback e-mail. I saw it in my inbox, decided I couldn't handle it. Closed my e-mail. Went back to cleaning and cooking. Last night's doubts becoming this morning's fears.

The food got done and I decided I'd rather know the bad news before my morning off. Went back to the e-mail. All good.

Really?

Oh yeah. We're excited for your progress. Keep up the good work. Much relief.

(And yes, of course. Everyone else isn't surprised. Whatever. Because DOUBT is just as serious an enemy of productivity as cockiness is.)