Letter to The Woman My Best Guy Friend is Monogamous With

Dear G,

I’m not allowed to not like you. It hasn’t been said, but it’s been made clear nevertheless.

It’s funny because he’s never been nervous about me meeting a girlfriend before. (Though when confronted he denied the nerves.) Granted the major ones I already knew. It’s just the non-major ones that I’m somehow never introduced to. I miss the concert or party or whatever group event that is the relationship debut. (Because it’s my finals or I already had plans with other friends or, once, I got the date wrong and showed up for the party the next night and had an only somewhat awkward exchange with a roommate who I’d never met.) I’ll hear how everyone else liked her and say, “Well find a time for us to meet each other.” But it always seems to end before that happens.

But you. Girl, the expectations are high. People don’t like you, everybody loves you. The little old ladies are telling you to marry him when they first meet you. Parental eyes are smiling knowingly. At this point I’m expecting rainbows and unicorns handed out when you appear.

And I’m not allowed to not like you.

To be clear, I’m not worried about it. There were about ten minutes when you entered the story where I was frustrated by the way you messed up the narrative. I didn’t like you then. But as your backstory was explained and your character developed I couldn’t stay mad with you. At least by now, I like the stories about you.

I’m not allowed to not like you. Neither am I allowed to contact you prior to an arranged meeting. When I went to IM you back in a window on his computer flashing “Tell her hi,” he freaked. It would be too weird. It’s not my place. I shouldn’t send you a message on Facebook now. Instead I should wait until he messes things up (because, let’s face it, he will). Only then am I allowed, even required, to reach out with some sort of apology-explanation on his behalf. Saying something to the effect of how special you are. That I hope you can work things out.

And even before I meet you, I know that’s true. I hope you can work things out. And that, more than anything, is why I’m not allowed to not like you.