i should buy this song

wake me when the sun is not a secret
and all of its reflections speak in color
collapse the letters, perhaps they're better unknown
convenience via industry is deceiving
we can travel so far in seconds, but we're covering cars' complexion
protecting our investments

the luxury of salary is rewarding
improving conditions, improving efficience
but all the corresponding course of reaction
and equal distraction is a burden
it's a burden

we are blessed, we are cursed in our abundance
we are pressed to have worth in terms of tangibility
we are blessed to be settled without worry
we are cursed to forget we are in need
we are blessed, we are blessed upon our knees
we are blessed, we are blessed upon our knees

the market will fluctuate with hopes to manipulate our need
the patterns of the sun remain concrete
beauty is simple but we, we find favor in a mess of synthetics
we are hungry
beauty is simple, but we, we find favor in a mess of synthetics
we are hungry
beauty is simple, but we, we find favor in a mess of synthetics
we are worried

i heard that the economy is receding
but the sun still warms my skin

~Joel P West, Settled Without Worry


It would figure that the song featured on NPR's Open Mic is my least favorite of his songs. I'm not convinced to buy the whole cd, his sound is too consistent. One song blends into another to the point that I almost don't realize that I've switched. They're pretty simple sounding, but I like the lyrics of this one and the other one I've quoted. They seem to fit my life right now in one way or another.

we all head west cause we were told the west had more daylight

It's crazy how late the sun sets here. But I'm fearing winter. It's going to rise so late. How will I get out of bed? Wake up to teach? And no, taking up coffee is not an option.

something out a dream

It was foggy on our walk to school today.

As my housemates and I were walking, we saw six horses emerge out of the fog. They galloped in front of us and turned onto the old track before disappearing again.

and not exactly an engagement ring

(I love lyrics from new to me songs.)

At the fair this weekend I finally found a new ring. I'd worn my ring from camp for about 7 years. Lost it last fall (VERY sad, but it's just a thing too). Luckily, I had an extra ring that I wore afterwards. Unluckily that ring broke during the middle of my senior thesis presentation.

So, new ring. Which is kinda cool. Because the old ring definitely represented a strong part of my past. Maybe this ring will be a symbol of my life here?

In any case, I have something to fiddle with. And I don't feel naked anymore. Strange how even after a few months without a ring I still missed the feeling of it on my finger.

Strange what you do miss. And when. And why.

take a look, it's in a book....

I just read an editorial from The State newspaper about what they call "the summer reading gap." Basically a discussion of how richer students read during the summer, while poorer students are less likely to read. Apparently one study found that this "summer slide" accounted for 2/3 of the reading gap between poor and wealthy NINTH graders. (Sidenote: I really miss
having the college/institution access to journals and databases and such. For those interested and with access apparently the study is in the April issue of the American Sociological Review; it's done by John Hopkins researchers.) I have no way to judge how good this study is, but the editorial made me think about my current situation.

I'm already struggling to figure out where I should get books to read while I'm here. Thankfully I have 1) lots of books of my own already, 2) resources to buy books, 3) friends to borrow lots of books from, and 4) money to pay for membership to library in another county (and state) if I decide to go that route (depending on 5) car and time to drive to library).

But the point is that aside from the school library, which isn't open during the summer, and maybe something at the church (I haven't explored yet) there aren't the resources that I've relied on to enable reading, even if you wanted to. I guess it's not surprising that reading ability is (reportedly) so low.

wanting a clever boy

By the time I got back today from getting license and plates and all (drove well over an hour to get to the big town, in another county, population well less than 5,000), I was getting pretty tired. So I decided not to go to the fair today. Instead spent the night at home, procrastinating by listening to music.

I found this Swedish label that has a policy of having free downloads for title singles. (The "reason" I started browsing was because Pelle Carlberg was the featured Open Mic on NPR recently and I decided I needed to find more music.)

This was my alternative to doing work (that I'm supposed to do for workshop tomorrow). So bedtime and shower and maybe some work? meh

feeling lucky...and PSA

I rode with one housemate out to a birthday party in the big city (population sign says 780) tonight. Was planning on getting a ride home with the other housemate, but there was awkwardness (completely different situation), so she wasn't returning as early as planned. Anyway they both decided to spend the night at the party house, but let me drive one of their cars home.

It's dark and kinda rainy so I'm driving decently slow.I mean I get passed a couple of times and all.Come to the BIG fair that's going on starting tonight and through the weekend. Speed's dropped and I've slowed down more , but am getting distracted looking at what's going on at the fairgrounds. Next thing I know I'm pulled over for speeding. Oooops. Of course I can't figure out how to roll down the windows, but have license and housemate's old registration pulled and hand to the officer as soon as he finally gets to me. (While he goes back to check things out, I call my housemate's cell phone asking where her new registration is...She'd just gotten it this afternoon..)

Anyway, I think this is probably one time when having an out-of-state license worked in my favor. I got off with just the question "How well do you know the area?" "Um..I just moved here. I'm working to figure it out. " So for anyone who needs to know, the speed limit outside the fairgrounds is 25 MPH. And it is strictly enforced during the fair.

EDIT: Upon further reflection, I think that the 25 MPH speed limit is special for the fair (and higher during the rest of they year). So when you visit, you might not have to go that slow. Then again, you might.

not sure this is healthy....

I'm tired of sitting down, staring at standards. At least I found (remembered, semi-reminded by housemate) my chocolate chips. So I've had nibbles this evening.

The good news is that Algebra Two is sticky-noted, planned for the year. The bad news is that I forgot to put the stickies for one unit on the calender. Good news is that there are weeks that don't have anything on them, so it may be squeezed in. Bad news is those are "testing weeks." Alas, so it goes.

Sorry for so much shop talk. It's kinda been my life today.

Oh, and I almost forgot. The highlight of the day! During lunch I was able to get a master key and follow a lead to find the (old) textbooks. They might not be what we actually use this year, but something is so much better than nothing. Here's to hope for some sort of organization.

zoned out

Spending way too much time staring at standards. And while I know one should
rely on the standards to decide what to teach, my methods of teaching prof was right when he said that textbooks decide what's taught in different courses. So it'd be really great to have our curriculum. Or someone who knows what it is. Maybe even someone who could just tell us the sequence of math courses here. Because trying to find out what "Advanced Math" is supposed to be was a wild goose chase. I mean, yes our entire department is new. But shouldn't that be all the more reason from someone to be looking out to make sure we're on track with picking up where some teacher (however long ago) left off?

Looking through standards trying to come up with long term plans of study or whatever is kind of annoying. So here's a list of things from last week that make me look forward to this year.

• I'm not the only math teacher.
• I have a department chair (who's not me!).
• My chair came to this school because he really wanted to work with this community. Meaning he should be able to help me learn to understand the community.
• I have an aide. Who is from the community and knows students, staff, everyone. Beyond being friendly and someone I'm excited about working with, I'm also glad to have someone else who will be a resource for me in my adjustment to life here.
• New classroom! I get to break it in. (Hopefully not actually breaking anything.)
• The fact that the school did get the washer and dryer into our housing makes me more optimistic that I will have a laptop in my classroom. (Maybe it can download Geogbra. Even better if I can convince them to buy Geometer's Sketchpad.)

someday i will look back and know what's going on

It's interesting how I can't really get a straight story here. There's so much politics. Naturally people outside of the school warn me to stay away from the politics, but I don't really think that's possible. I just wish I knew more of the backstory on different situations. If I ask enough different people, I can triangulate decently. But I still don't know why the administration warned new staff not to attend tonight's meeting. Or even what the deal is with who did (and more importantly who did not) have my position before me.

fair warning

Lesson from reflections tonight.

I don't always know that I'm approaching my breaking point until I'm staring right over the edge. At that point I will give warning, probably in the form of "Do This" or "Don't Do This." It's best for everyone if you follow directions and don't push more buttons. Otherwise some sort of explosion will probably ensue.

The good news is that there are usually several explosions before major damage occurs.

The bad news is I need to learn to control this before students find my buttons.

Curing sense of isolation

Apparently it’s true. A decent cure for a sense of isolation in a new community can be to get out in the community and do stuff. In that spirit I went out a lot today. Because today I actually knew where people would be. It’s Sunday—CHURCH. I went to several services in the thoughts that the more churches I visit, the more people I meet, the more people recognize my face, and the more people who may do something to welcome me somehow. (Though sadly did not receive any dinner invitations. Alas. However, I did get a dinner at the local festival I visited between services.

Frequent conversation line. “What brought you here?”
“I’m with this program and asked for a rural placement.”
*eyes light up* “Well, you got rural all right.”

While this was normal in larger areas, it’s said in a different tone here. More lighthearted and appreciative (I hope). Much more a sense of the reality of it I’m sure.

I hope I can handle it.

Day Two (Or full Day One)

Yawn. Bedtime writing does take on a certain tone. Hopefully I’ll find a different time to write, so you don’t just get sleepy jabber.

Got things more moved in today. Mostly unpacked even. I’m not sure how it all fits, but it mostly does. I’m hoping I can move some stuff into my classroom next week (then I can rearrange stuff on my bookshelf). When Mom and Dad bring out the final things (like my sewing table which it a necessity, but I’m not sure where it will fit) I’ll probably send some books and notes back with them. But after going through high school notes and figuring out how helpful they still can be (at least when studying for Praxis exam and trying to figure out how my teachers set things up in their classrooms), there’s no way I’m getting rid of them.

Other news, I went grocery shopping. Lots and lots of groceries. Because I need to cook. I’m not sure what my housemates will think, but, yeah, need to cook. Hopefully I’ll come back later and post my move-in grocery list. It sets up kitchen well. I hope. I guess it’ll be tested soon.

Arrival

This won’t go up until I get internet access but it’s currently 9:39 my time zone. (Which means my cell phone thinks it’s 9:39 sometimes and 8:39 other times and my watch says it’s 10:39. My body just knows I’m exhausted and my brain is alternating between being zombie, being terrified, and being excited. Right now, I’m afraid the terror’s winning.

Comfort music, obviously necessary. Since I’m at the computer, I’m listening to Marion McPartland’s Piano Jazz. I’m pretty positive I won’t be able to find her on the radio here, but podcasts are amazing. Her voice is just so calming. The conversations make a comfortable background. And then the jazz plays soft and smooth.

Okay, so I’m not being eloquent right now, too many clichés and such, but I did mention the exhaustion right?

Also on the music front, a special thank you to those who made me CDs for my drive. I listened to music from all ya’ll today. Every new CD (and sometimes more like every song) feels like a hug. Just that sense that you were thinking of me at some point. Big hugs to you!