The Spice Rack

"The reason to have a wedding is to get your spice rack."

So, I got her a spice rack.

~~~

The story's more complicated than I remembered, so a reference for myself.

~~~

Some years ago, a young woman entered grad school. Far away, her friends were getting married by the dozens (or maybe half-dozens or quarter-dozens, but even that feels like a lot of weddings). The moved into houses with cute lawns, a couple of bedrooms, and full kitchen complete with a spice rack. In short, they were settling into a grown-up life.

Meanwhile, our heroine was making do in the squalor of a graduate program. Crappy apartments. Rushed hours. No time for homemaking a place that couldn't feel like home. It was a fine life, a life that would lead to what she wanted to do. But it's not one that felt grown-up. Something was unfulfilled.

Enter the older man. A man that has the adult details worked out for himself. He invites her to join him and she does. A grown-up life.

Only it's not. We won't go into details, but it was a bad relationship. Finally she divorces him. Rebuilds life for herself from the ground up. She wonders what got her into the relationship in the first place. What was so attractive about him?

And she realizes. She wanted the life with the spice rack. She wanted the grown-up life. It wasn't the man that attracted her. It was the idea of marriage and a life fulfilled.

Since then she presents her gifts shortly upon the news of engagement. A spice rack. And a question, "Is this what you're wanting? Does this fulfill you? Cause if it does, let's reconsider this life you're looking at."

A reminder to think about what's motivating the marriage. And hey, a pretty good present besides.

~~~

She told me she was engaged. I responded I'd get her a spice rack. Great! Are there spices that I should gather for you in the city? Check out the Korean store. The fiancé served in Korea and misses the food. What spices does he need? Nobody seems to know. They requested an adventurous mix. I took advantage of an excuse to visit multiple ethnic groceries.

~~~

Before I left, though after the wedding certificate was signed, I had her open the spice rack. She read the names. Sometimes I was able to tell her what it was for. You use these to flavor sushi rice. Hing powder in Indian dishes. Fenugreek? That's good for breastmilk, her new aunt pipes up. She looks at me. Breastmilk? What are you getting me, woman?

I have no idea my friend. I have no idea.