Follow-up Visit

Even virtual visits count. Especially when there's a crazy time difference. The kind where oceans and/or continents are involved. Miles and miles and it's been far too long since I've talked to some people.

Which is why I'm grateful for Christmas letters. An annual reason to check out people's mailing addresses. To have them say, nope, that's not going to get to me. And while I get an address so that my mail will find it's way to them, we set up a Skype date or a phone call or something.

And we talk. You may feel like you told me too much about you and didn't hear enough about me, but that wasn't the important part. It is important to know you're still there. To re-establish that you're someone I care about and who cares about me. To spend time together, even if we're doing it on different days.

Unwritten Goal #26

26. Listen to all of the SXSW download tracks during the calendar year I download them.

~~~

I made it through the 2009 tracks, but didn't complete until sometime this summer. Secretly I'm hoping that I'll finish the 2010 tracks before December 31.

I have 361 tracks left to go.

~~~

I have a rule to only save the tracks that get 4 or 5 stars. Occasionally one with an awesome name or story will get by.

But mostly, as soon as I decide that I don't really like the song, it moves to the trash. Free up some memory for my poor computer.

~~~

I love when I fall in love with a song (and later a band) that I first heard on the downloads. A quarter of the songs on this year's review CD are from SXSW.

I should probably start the process of sending those. At least write the letter to go with...

~~~

Some awesome names I wouldn't have heard of otherwise. Written here because I'm not keeping the songs, so I'll forget them after tonight otherwise.

Band: Get Cape. Wear Cape. Fly.
Songs: 100 mph (in 2nd Gear)
It's Better to Spend Money Like There's No Tomorrow Than Spend Tonight Like There's No Money

~~~

Been listening to songs as I've typed this up. Down to 354 to go. Yikes, this one gets deleted. 353 songs in the next few weeks.

Notes to Self

Finals are done! As is the rewrite of the midterm that I was whining about. Whew. This is a finals period I will not miss. Though it did mark my first time ordering delivery pizza to the office. Or really, maybe, ever.

While I was trying to churn out pages, I left a lot of notes to myself in the margins. The two people who read my drafts when I was present laughed at one or the other at some point. So I'm saving some of my favorites. (And then deleting extra files from the computer. Common theme tonight.) Not sure this will be interesting to anyone other than future me. And not positive about that one either.

~~~

• Blargh. Need to get something done here, but just don’t wanna. Whine whine whine. But I’m spoiled by this lifestyle and really should work for it.
• I thought I knew what I was talking about, but now I’ve lost all confidence. It’s hard to care anymore.
• Same word? Really?
• Right word?
• Ditto.
• Ugh, that word again. Suggestions for what to use instead?
• I got sick of typing curricula/curriculum currici-ick new word please! Can change it back if you think I should
• I wanted to use prognosticate but I didn’t. Marvel at my restraint
  
• Feel like [prof] won’t like my phrasing here. But it makes sense to me. BAH.
• I like this paragraph. Please tell me it’s okay.
  
• Don’t need [the author's] first name. Even if I want it
• Hate this sentence. Just needed something here
• Bullshit
  Not including it as the close of the sentence, but kinda want to
  
• Okay that citation is ridiculous
• Add a bit more here. Make it fancy

~~~

Closing observation. Apparently I don't use punctuation to close the last sentence in these notes to myself. Work on that

Cheese, please?

I have no sympathy for my own whining. So I don't expect anyone else to either.

That said, the snowball fight happening outside my window sounds a whole lot more fun than the paper I'm fighting to convince myself to work on.

Visits

I haven't seen S much this semester. We met at church when I first moved here, but we're both going to different congregations now. I haven't run into her when I study in the library at her seminary. We haven't even seen each other online as often.

When I have talked to her, she's invited me to come to her church. I haven't gone. Still trying to get used to not visiting a new place every other Sunday. Wanting to find a community in the Sunday School class at my new church, and that works better when you're there on Sunday. But Sunday School wasn't happening today, because people were traveling for Thanksgiving. And I wanted to focus on doing some homework today, so I texted her last night asking what time the early service was. This morning, I made a trip to the suburbs to see her sing with the praise choir.

I'm sorry I didn't do it earlier.

~~~

I put a lot of stock in visits. Friends who visit get credit (and sometimes people who don't visit get demerits). Obviously there's a lot of variation to how important a visit is, but it demonstrates the value of the relationship. The time to come out. The effort to plan. The simple support of being there.

Yes, it can be stressful to host people, witness hosting my family for this year's Thanksgiving celebration. But if you want bonus points with me, visit.

I try to visit other people too. Road trips are more fun when you see friends.* Plus, if I expect visits, it's only fair to visit others.

~~~

I arrived in the middle of the service. (It was only a half-hour long.) When the band went up again, S spotted me on the back pew and waved.

As soon as she could make her way back to me at the end of the service, she was thanking me for coming and introducing me to everyone.

She told me as we went out for coffee, that my coming allows her to show the church members she has friends. I'm not the only one who hasn't visited her new congregation yet. I'm the first who has.**

As we drove back to the church so she could lead youth group, she thanked me again. "When I saw you, I got the same sort of feeling that you get when you're a kid and your parents come to your concert." That safety of having someone who loves you. The confidence of knowing someone watching is going to be cheering for you. The comfort of a familar face.

I told S, as well as any church members who asked, that I won't return often. I have my church home. But today was a reminder of the value of visits.




*Though I am sorry when there's too little time and I don't get to catch up with everyone in the area. There's a balance between time with people and people people people.
**Granted, a lot of her friends are from seminary and busy with their own congregations on Sunday morning.

Frostbit in warm weather

This post is mostly for my own memory. I don't think it works as well here as it did when I slide it into conversation. Which I'm apt to do.

~~~

I'm telling people I got frostbite on my thumb. I've never had frostbite before (despite seven winters in the midwest) and I haven't been to the doctor, so I'm not sure about the diagnosis. But it's a reasonable explanation, even for a nice fall weekend.

Took a break from my conference to meet my cousin. I let him choose where to meet and he suggested an ice cream place. Neither one of us realized how far it was from the conference hotel.

After walking approximately 2 miles in conference shoes (the menswear heels), I should have wanted to sit down to eat our ice cream. Don't know why not, but between wanting to be outside and some maniacal glutton for punishment, we went outside.

I'd asked for a medium waffle cone, because 1) cones are more fun and 2) I hadn't had lunch because it took me so long to find the ice cream place that I hadn't stopped for a sandwich and a cone definitely increases the nutritional content of the ice cream as lunch argument. I'm convinced that they gave me an extra large cone instead. More calories? They saw my hunger? I don't know.

What I do know is that the cone started to fall apart. I'd been managing to keep up with the drips, but then cracks appeared with more drips and I'm in conference clothes. (Yes, this was a BAD plan.) My pumpkin custard and fudge brownie were not staying in there. So as we walk around the block back to the ice cream store, I'm trying to hold the huge scoops in place with my thumb.

And that is how my thumb got frostbitten.

To the question, "Didn't it hurt?" I can only offer one reply. It was Ice Cream.

Midterm Meltdown

Hi [Director of Publications],

It's not an exaggeration to say I stomped into my apartment building this evening. Stressful week at work has tapped into my insecurities and stuff this afternoon had pushed me over the edge. I unlocked my mailbox and there's a magazine in plastic. All of my other subscriptions have arrived in the past week, so I start grumbling to myself about [college alumni magazine] being wrapped in plastic. And why would my college be so environmentally unfriendly. And that's about as far as I got, before actually getting it out of the box and seeing that it's wrapped with the 2011 calendar.

Audible gasp. Yay! Thank you for bringing the calendar back!

I haven't even looked at it yet. But it's already made my evening better.

Thank you!

~~~

Nothing to do with the midterm elections. I'm not even sure it's stress about my Presentation. Everything to do with the stress of school. Playing on my insecurities. Apparently I'm not doing well at expressing myself clearly this term.

Somehow it's reassuring to know I'm not the only one overwhelmed right now.

Also, helpful to have a cohort who knows me well enough to call me while I'm in class and leave a voicemail telling me that I'm awesome. (Thanks!)

Pretend this is Tumbler or For the midterms

Because I'm quoting all of this. (For more, check out The Poetry Foundation's blog.)

Poem on the Occasion of the Midterm Election

Dream Brazil is a wash—

too expensive. Dream Antarctica again

and the cold feels good.

And I look all right there

in the big blue coat.

I never wanted to impress

anybody, so I kept it

unremarkable. The plain truth is

not enough now to change

the empire into a flower.

It is already a hummingbird

in an endless loop. No

no, they say, there’s power

still in children and old

people. There’s power in swarming

the neighbors and refusing to

die. There’s power in songs.

It’s we who are powerless.

—Matthew Rohrer

from Destroyer and Preserver, forthcoming from Wave Books

via: Wave Books

Half-check

10. Do a canoe trip


Remembered that I never wrote this up. Three weeks ago, when I road-tripped to visit a college friend, we went canoeing. It wasn't an overnight trip. We didn't even pack a full meal. Had trail tapas instead. Small course here of mustard pickles and cheese. An apple there. Another fancy cheese course with delicious bread. Chips and salsa. I'm hungry now.

I'm even more excited about the idea of doing a long canoe trip now. But if it doesn't happen in the next 4.75 years, pictures to let me check it off my list.


See. This photo has the canoe in it. And a pretty bridge. (The other photos of the bridge are nicer, but they don't have the canoe.)

Going under this bridge was awesome. It was high enough that I didn't need to duck. I still did though.

It was a weekend for dads on the river. When this crew was getting in, I was nervous they would tip. But they got off fine.


See. Our canoe on the land beside them.


Ahh. Three weeks ago when it was still warm. Leaves were peak. And the birds were in flight.

Notes for when I'm stressed, among other things

Things to be aware of when I'm stressed:

• There are lots of times when I can handle crowds. Or groups. High-stress times, not so much.
• I have learned to be spontaneous. Or at least more last minute. But when I'm stressed, I need things planned.
  • But I need to not be the one planning everything.
  • Especially if someone else said they'd get back to me. It's in your hands then.
• When I'm stressed I'd rather stick to my plans with a group of people I don't know than do something spur-of-the-moment with a group I do know.
  • But it's more likely I'll end up home alone.
  • Though probably healthier for me to not be too antisocial for long.

~~~

It amazes me how some friends manage to amplify my stress while others diffuse it. And it's not consistent. Surely much to do with my mood. But feels like there's more than I understand. Good luck making sense of me.

~~~

So that's where I was mid-afternoon on Saturday. Which made it extra amazing when I called a friend to come with me to the trail I visited at the beginning of the month and she could join at the last minute.

The sun was well on its way down by the time we arrived. (But it was okay because I take the scenic drive past the crazy-rich houses.) Even the buildings were glowing in the light.


October has seen the span of fall here. Last time the leaves were a week or two away from peaking. There are a few left in the tree now, but more carpeting the trail than shading the sun.


Not that the sun was in position to be shaded.


We saw a herd of deer. (Pictures didn't turn out. Too far away for the flash to do anything. Too dark not to use it.) Wandered into the Halloween Hike--complete with luminaria and costumed employees doing skits educating us about nature. Debated whether that was a black squirrel or whether it was simply in the shadows.


Agreed we had perfect timing in leaving the trail.

Drove back home amazed at how much calmer I was.

~~~

In separate news, I needed a pair of black pumps, so I went shoe shopping. Came out with super-pointy yellow heels. Not so black, but D. says I can play fashionista.

Also got a pair of menswear-style high-heel lace-up oxfords. They're black. And heels. And I think I can go dancing in them. Plus they can also replace the black boots that I have that, really, I didn't even wear much last winter because the insole is sad and old and when I tried to add a schmancy Dr. Scholl's type one it crowded my foot.

I should probably throw those boots away. They're past the donate stage. Otherwise I'd still be wearing them.

~~~

A week from now, I'll be back from my first conference presentation. I'm excited for that.

More excited for the weekend crew reunion happening afterwards. Camp friends convince me time and again that friendship withstands distance, different lifepaths, and far too few visits. Remind me to talk about that in a future post.