Late night discussions led to me being asked to describe my ideal mate. (And comments on how strange that sounds.)
I didn't have it then. It's been too long since I've updated my list. Normally this stays hidden in my journal, but I feel like I owe people an answer and I don't feel like passing my journal around. (Who knows what secrets are hidden in there.)
7 things I'm looking For*
Trust--In a serious relationship, I have to be comfortable with you and want you to be comfortable with me.
Religion/Spirituality--Doesn't have to be mine. Does need to be open to mine.
Low-key--I get stressed out enough for us all some days. Also, I'm not looking for a super-intense relationship right now. That said, if I do find myself in one, I hope it will be serious. Just able to be chill about everything at the same time.
Other friends--In college I had multiple social circles, to the point where some of my best friends still do not know each other. (Though they do hear stories about each other.) At least in a new relationship I'll want to maintain some separateness to our spheres.
Patient--Based on my record so far, you better believe I'll redefine taking it slow.
Nerdy--Apparently I like nerds. Knowing me, this should not surprise you. I am one.
Not Desperate--Ummm....yeah. I mean, if you are desperate that's fine. Just don't be painfully obvious about it.
*Disclaimers.
This list may not be the top 7 things I'm looking for.
Obviously the list evolves over time. For instance, most days not desperate would not be included. Normally there'd be more reference to shared values, life goals, or something.
I don't foresee telling anyone, "You match my list! We're meant to be!" Nor do I plan on rejecting anyone because they don't match the list. I mean, the list is a guide to remind me what I think I'm prioritizing, nothing formal.
5 comments:
"Not Desperate"
I'm cringing here, mostly about the fact that I can understand how this would make it onto a list.
I think that's it. Oh, also, somehow people (mostly guys) I date seem always to think I'm taking it slow, which is... interesting? It's never what I think, maybe because I'm attaching that to how I think you (or some other friends, not so much with the names on the internet) would take it.
I'm wondering if I will ever understand this, when some guy is like "You're taking things really slow," and I'm like "Um, also I hardly know you. What do you expect?" And then he probably says "uhh, nothing" and I have a barely controllable urge to smack him. Or just to laugh in his face. I mean, it ends up alright, but... I dunno. It's really the "uhh, nothing" which is such an obvious lie that makes me so annoyed. You can say you expected to be having wild and kinky sex, but the total failure at communication... agh! Because that's high on my list, I guess. Communication.
Yeah. There's definitely a cringe factor to putting "Not Desperate" on the list. The people who were asking for the list will know why it's included.
I think the communication got swallowed in the trust (at least for my list of 7).
You're description of conversation (and lack thereof) makes me laugh. Especially because I'm not sure how much I'd be able to control the laugh in his face reaction. And thanks for not attaching names.
Tangentially, I'm not sure whether it would help to know my history or just be intimidating. (Based on the experience of another friend, I'm leaning toward the latter.)
You might convey desperate if:
I answer the phone and am relieved that the unrecognized number is from the professor I've set up a phone interview with and not a guy I have not given my number to.
Wasn't sure where else to record this particular memory.
(eyebrows raised)
Related quote, spoken by me to my housemate:
There are pictures of dead deer on my computer!
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All of this did mean that I had something to share during the truth or dare, minus the dare sessions.
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